Wednesday, January 16, 2013


Ainsley is very social.  She doesn't get this from me...she probably doesn't get this from Clif either.  It's not that we don't have friends, we do.  We have lots of friends, but it's very hard for either of us to meet new people.  Our friends have been our friends for a long time.  We haven't made any new ones.

Of course it's pretty easy when you're in Kindergarten and everyone is new and you're just so thrilled with everyday things.  You become more jaded and cynical as you get older.  Ainsley also thinks she is amazing.  She has so much confidence.  She can't imagine why anyone wouldn't like her.  I don't have that anymore, I'm not sure I ever had it at the level she does.

No, I think Ainsley gets her social confidence from her aunts and uncles.  My sister, Clif's brother and sister...they're so outgoing, always making new friends.

I'm glad Ainsley has this.  It's hard to be 35 and unable to make new friends.  Because none of my friends live remotely near me.  Plus we all have kids and our own lives.  And I guess that happens anyway when you have kids, but it would be a whole lot easier if I could become best buds with a neighbor.  What I don't love about Ainsley's social ease...playdates. 

I mean, I love that she has friends and wants to play with them.  My dislike of playdates is totally selfish.  I'm so uncomfortable reaching out to these moms, sitting on their sofas, offering them drinks at my house.

It took me a month to approach a mom at the bus stop who's daughter is in Ainsley's class.  And really I only did it because Ainsley cornered me into it.  It's taken me over 2 weeks to find a contact address and actually email the mom of another girl that Ainsley talks about daily.  Then I poured over the 5 line email like it was a blog post.

I just have no confidence in my ability to befriend people.  And then the thought of hanging out with this new mom while our girls run around and giggle...terrifying.

I wish I could take some lessons from Ainsley.  I wish I could walk into a room and see nothing but new friends, instead of judging eyes and smirky grins.
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