Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Baby Boy

Dear Baby Boy (with no name),

So you're a boy.  I am completely shocked.  Even a day later, I'm still not quite sure it's true.  You have been so much like your sister up to this point that I was almost positive you were a girl.  I have only been looking at girl names.  I have been thinking about the boxes of girl clothes I have that I can't wait to pull out and place in your drawers.  I have been browsing hair bows and girlie cloth diapers.  I have been thinking about how you and your sister would share a room when you're older, with canopy beds and ruffles and lace.

But, I'm now shifting my thoughts.  I looked at boy names for the first time this morning.  I made a list of names that were okay.  Nothing is grabbing me yet.  I'm thinking about how unorganized your brother's baby clothes are and how I'll  need to work on that in the coming months.  I'm imagining a little boy room with bunk beds and sports posters on the walls.  I'm picturing you and your brother rolling around on the floor.

My ideas will change.  By the time you're here I will be all kinds of boy ready.  Really I wanted to write you this first letter because I always feel more connected to the babies after I know the sex.  It helps me paint a more solid picture of who you'll be.  So yesterday, what was an ambiguous little being in my midsection has become, today, this real, live, little person.

And I wanted to tell you about your siblings and how amazing they are and how lucky you are to have them. 

Freddie was very unsure of the process yesterday.  He kept asking me where the dentist was.  I'm not sure why, since we never said we were going to the dentist and he has actually never been to see a dentist.  He said he couldn't see, even though he was right in front of the screen.  But when Daddy told him he was going to have a baby brother a little grin spread slowly across his face.  It was like he was coming to the realization of what that meant and imagining a little sidekick.  Seriously though, I'm going to need you to go ahead and let your brother be the crazy one. I'm not sure I can handle another little Freddie.  I love that kid to death, but he is hard to handle.  You just go ahead and take a step down from that, okay?  Great!

Ainsley has talked non stop about a little sister.  So I'm not going to lie, it breaks my heart a bit that she won't have one this time, or ever maybe. I was worried that she's melt down if you weren't a girl.  But, as she tends to do, she surprised me with her grace and love.  She sighed and rolled her eyes and said "Well okay then."  She tells me how she can't wait to hold you and touch your soft skin.  And how she'll take care of you if I need to take care of Freddie.  She is already an amazing big sister and now that she's bigger, when you arrive, she will be out of this world.

So here they are, in all their glory, telling the whole world about you.  Freddie refused to be on camera, but don't worry, you'll totally recognize him.  He'll be the wild 3 year old in the room with blond locks in his eyes and deep blue eyes.  You can't miss him.

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