Monday, April 4, 2011


Some days are hard.  Some times, when you're knee deep in snotty tissues and hacking coughs and sprints to the bathroom, it's tough to put on a smile and appreciate being a mom.  I do appreciate it.  Every day I'm thankful for those soft curls and big blue eyes and tiny fingers that squeeze mine.  But there are days that I have to remind myself to love it.

There are days when you're just holding on, racing at top speed down a hill, trying not to fly over the handle bars.  Inevitably, you crash.  You hit a rock, no matter how small, at just the right speed and angle...then suddenly you're air born.  Screaming, clawing, tucking, angling...whatever it takes to protect yourself from the unrelenting asphalt below.

Saturday was one of those days.  It was the end to a tough week.  One of those weeks where those bad days string together and you forget when you slept and what you ate.  Hell, you forget if you slept or ate.

Clif was down and out with a stomach bug.  Ainsley and Freddie both seemed on the mend, but runny noses and coughs persisted.  On top of that, I'm getting it.  What it is, I'm not sure.  I had a combination of everything.  Nothing full blown, but everything battling for my attention.  Sore achy muscles, headache, congestion, raw throat.  I was not feeling the mommy vibe, but what do you do?  You push through, and let everyone know how miserable you are along the way.

I was not a good mommy Saturday.  I didn't play dress up. I didn't sing songs.  I didn't read stories.  I didn't bake cookies.  I barely made meals.  I did only what was needed to get by.  I went to bed feeling down.  Sad, that half my weekend was over and it had been wasted on illness instead of imagination and cuddles and laughter and silliness.

Freddie woke up with a smile on Sunday and I felt a bit better.  So we headed downstairs to make breakfast.  He played in the other room while I cooked.  When Ainsley appeared in the doorway, I greeted her with a big hug and a "Good Morning!"

She said "Good Morning!" back and from the living room I heard Freddie let out a huge giggle.  He ran, as much as he can run really, to us and threw himself into Ainsley's arms.  It was as if he hadn't seen her in days.  He planted a big open mouth kiss on her belly and wrapped his chubby arms around her waist

Ainsley reciprocated with a kiss on his head and pinch of his cheeks.  Freddie pulled away and laughed as he headed back to his toys.

In that moment, I stopped having to remind myself.
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