Night 2

I'm not going to post about this every day, and this will not be long like yesterday's...but thought you'd want to know that last night?  Brutal. 

Not sure if she was just really tired Wednesday night, or if Clif not being around last night made a difference, or if this is just how it goes...but Ainsley was still awake at 10:30 last night.  I checked on her every minute for an hour and 25 minutes.

She didn't cry, she didn't complain, but she laid there awake.  I ended up sitting on her floor, at which point she fell asleep in less than 90 seconds...might be a slight exaggeration, but not by much.

So here's my question...HOW DOES ONE DO THAT?!?!?!?! 

How do you lie in bed for an hour and a half...tired...and not fall asleep?  I will never know that answer, because I am absolutely certain that if I stay in one spot for longer than 20 minutes, I will fall asleep...anywhere.  And, it doesn't matter if shadows are morphing into monsters or witches are hovering above.  Give me 20 minutes in a dark room and Good Night people!

Sick Puppies

This sickness has descended on us once again. 

Freddie started it.  He woke up with a low-grade fever on Saturday morning.  This turned into a very high fever and full blown yuckiness on Sunday.  But I took him to the doctor, no ear infection, no strep.  Must be a virus.  Wonderful!  Nothing you can do for a virus but just wait for it to go away.

So Monday I stayed home.  If you're keeping count, that is 4 sick days in the 10 weeks I've been working at this new job.

Monday his fever broke, so it was back to daycare on Tuesday.  When I picked them up, Ainsley had a runny nose and I was informed that Freddie had not been himself all day.  But no fever.

Yesterday morning, I woke to find Freddie covered in a rash.  Ainsley, meanwhile, had picked up a cough to go along with her very runny, watery nose. 

Freddie stayed home with Nanny yesterday.  Doctor says he doesn't need to be seen and he's not contagious - Roseola.  He was contagious before the rash broke out.  Lovely!

Last night, Ainsley was up most of the night coughing...know what that means?  Clif and I were up most of the night.  Clif more than me.  I had spent the previous three nights up with Freddie all night, so he took the bullet on this one.

So today, Ainsley is home with Nanny.  Thank goodness for Nanny.  Otherwise I would have been out of work all week.

And now, Clif and I...not feeling so hot.  Maybe we're just tired.  Maybe if the weather got over it's whole bi-polar disorder no one would be sick.  Maybe this weekend we'll catch up on sleep. 

Maybe...maybe...maybe...

Hope you all are feeling well.  Happy Thursday.

Stuck Maybe

Lately, I haven't been feeling myself.

I've been a little bit down, tired, worn out and...I don't know.  I can't quite pull the right word.  I can't quite hone in on the problem. 

I'm feeling guilty for how much time my kids spend in daycare.  We leave the house around 6:45 in the morning and don't get home until 5:30, at the earliest.  It doesn't allow me much quality time with them.  I feel like I'm just this schedule keeper...

Get home...
Get fed...
Get bathed...
Get to bed...

And if the schedule goes awry, I get stressed and worried that I'll miss more time, which only leads to me being short tempred and rushed.  They're not getting the best of me.  They get what's left at the end of a long, busy day...in a string of long, busy days that start before the sun is up and end long after it's gone to bed.

I'm feeling stressed over real estate and finances.  Our Richmond house is on the market and I just keep hoping we'll get the phone call that we have an interested buyer...but we don't.  I know it hasn't been long, but I just need it to go away.  I need that one thing to be taken care of.  It's priced higher than it should be, but we can only go so low.  There's not much of a financial safety net left after 18 months of unemployment.  I thought all of our financial troubles would disappear once Clif had a job, but instead it seems that the universe planned it exactly so that he would find that job right as our savings was gone.  And now trying to climb back to neutral is proving harder than expected.

I'm feeling inadequate about living in someone else's house.  Not having our own space.  Trying to cram everything that makes it home into a basement.  I've been independent for a long time and I don't do well asking for favors or leaning on someone.  In fact, I hate it.  I'd rather sell my left arm.

I'm feeling bored and unfocused at work.  This probably isn't a great thing for a 3 month old job.  I have to force myself to stay on task, because the task on hand is not exciting.  And even though it's a new job, it's the same seemingly pointless industry I've been in for 6 years.  Six years of filling your mailbox with junk.  No one ever dreams of this career.

On top of it all, I'm having a hard time writing.  This is something I love to do and it usually makes me feel so much better, but the words just aren't coming.  Everything I spit out is jumbled and random and confused.  I have a few stories I want to tell but I just can't organize them in a creative way.  Instead I just jump from topic to topic with no obvious sense.

So until I can figure it out...this is what you get.  Me feeling, I don't know, stuck maybe?