Baby Boy

Dear Baby Boy (with no name),

So you're a boy.  I am completely shocked.  Even a day later, I'm still not quite sure it's true.  You have been so much like your sister up to this point that I was almost positive you were a girl.  I have only been looking at girl names.  I have been thinking about the boxes of girl clothes I have that I can't wait to pull out and place in your drawers.  I have been browsing hair bows and girlie cloth diapers.  I have been thinking about how you and your sister would share a room when you're older, with canopy beds and ruffles and lace.

But, I'm now shifting my thoughts.  I looked at boy names for the first time this morning.  I made a list of names that were okay.  Nothing is grabbing me yet.  I'm thinking about how unorganized your brother's baby clothes are and how I'll  need to work on that in the coming months.  I'm imagining a little boy room with bunk beds and sports posters on the walls.  I'm picturing you and your brother rolling around on the floor.

My ideas will change.  By the time you're here I will be all kinds of boy ready.  Really I wanted to write you this first letter because I always feel more connected to the babies after I know the sex.  It helps me paint a more solid picture of who you'll be.  So yesterday, what was an ambiguous little being in my midsection has become, today, this real, live, little person.

And I wanted to tell you about your siblings and how amazing they are and how lucky you are to have them. 

Freddie was very unsure of the process yesterday.  He kept asking me where the dentist was.  I'm not sure why, since we never said we were going to the dentist and he has actually never been to see a dentist.  He said he couldn't see, even though he was right in front of the screen.  But when Daddy told him he was going to have a baby brother a little grin spread slowly across his face.  It was like he was coming to the realization of what that meant and imagining a little sidekick.  Seriously though, I'm going to need you to go ahead and let your brother be the crazy one. I'm not sure I can handle another little Freddie.  I love that kid to death, but he is hard to handle.  You just go ahead and take a step down from that, okay?  Great!

Ainsley has talked non stop about a little sister.  So I'm not going to lie, it breaks my heart a bit that she won't have one this time, or ever maybe. I was worried that she's melt down if you weren't a girl.  But, as she tends to do, she surprised me with her grace and love.  She sighed and rolled her eyes and said "Well okay then."  She tells me how she can't wait to hold you and touch your soft skin.  And how she'll take care of you if I need to take care of Freddie.  She is already an amazing big sister and now that she's bigger, when you arrive, she will be out of this world.

So here they are, in all their glory, telling the whole world about you.  Freddie refused to be on camera, but don't worry, you'll totally recognize him.  He'll be the wild 3 year old in the room with blond locks in his eyes and deep blue eyes.  You can't miss him.




Love,
Mommy

Little Brothers

Ainsley is an awesome big sister.  For the most part, she tolerates Freddie's antics well.  However, there are times she gets annoyed.  I don't blame her.  He's annoying...especially when you're a big 5 year old Kindergartner and he's still kind of a baby.

But I tell her that Freddie will be her best friend for life.  Even though she may fight with him now, he'll always love her, always look up to her, and always stand by her side.

I'm sure she doesn't really get all that yet...definitely not when he's trying to steal her dolls.  Ainsley's the oldest, so she's asked to give in more, she takes the blame more, she compromises more.  But she loves that little guy with all of her heart.  Freddie doesn't often return those hugs and kisses.  He usually gets mad and pushes or hits or yells.

Freddie doesn't remember a day that he's spent without Ainsley.  When Freddie and Ainsley were in separate classrooms in a daycare in Richmond, Freddie was only 9 months old.  She's always there, even when Mommy and Daddy aren't.  There are times that he gets in trouble and goes to her for cuddles and love.

On the first day of school, he didn't know what to think when we all left him in that classroom.  He just stood there, kind of frozen, not sure what to say. 

When Clif and I picked him up that afternoon he asked about Ainsley.

On our drive home, he told us about his first day.

Freddie: Me cy a peeshool. (I cried at preschool)
Me: Why'd you cry? 
Freddie: Me wan Aidsey.  (I wanted Ainsley)

At the bus stop he jumped up and down every time a bus came, and was let down every time it passed.

When she stepped off the 4th bus that drove down the street I heard him yelling from 20 yards behind me.

"Aidsey! Aidsey! Aidsey!"

He ran and threw his arms around her before I could even tell her hi.

"I ove ewes Aidsey." (I love you Ainsley)

As a parent, you worry about everything.  You worry your kids will be lonely, that they won't make friends, that they won't know what to do without you, that you'll do something to horribly derail their childhood.

This makes me worry a little less.