WANTED!

Please note that the following suspects are armed and deadly.  Do not try and apprehend them on your own.  Call for professional help.

Parent Enemy #1: Brinkley - the repeat offender

He seems so cute and harmless. Look at that puppy face, but do not get pulled in.  Do not let his cuteness break down your defenses.

This suspect has been known to hold his poo during walks only to leave it on the foyer carpet.  He has been known to chew chair legs, stuffed animals and newspaper.  His most recent chewing endeavor...the brand new mud room rug.

However, by far his most daring and unfathomable action...peeing on the den carpet.  Normally, this would be merely an annoying clean up, but what makes you want to kill him is the timing.  Not only had he just come from outside, but the carpets were LITERALLY cleaned within 24 hours of the episode.

Be afraid, be very afraid and do not leave him in a room alone.

Parent Enemy #2: Ainsley - the mind eFer

Also cute, but so, so cunning and intelligent.  So intelligent that you'd think there's no way she'd have potty accidents.  Oh but you'd be wrong.

Since attending a new school, Ainsley appears to have a potty accident every single day.  This is evident in the fact that she is in different pants every night when her mother arrives to pick her up.

When asked Ainsley, why do you have different pants on?

Her answer: Ummm, I just have an accident and pee in my underpants.

Most recently she pulled an unbelievable stunt.  While her mother put her baby brother to sleep, Ainsley was tasked with going potty on her own.  This is something she's done on her own many times before.  Upon returning to the room, her pajama pants were removed and her underpants had been changed.

Ummm, mommy?  I just changed my underpants, cause I just peed in my pants.

Ainsley?  Why did you pee in your pants?

BEcause mommy, I just peed in my pants.

But why did you pee in  your pants.

(Large, heavy sigh) I just peed in my pants so I need new underpants, but it fine mommy.  I got underpants out my dresser and I have new princess underpants now.

(Large, heavy sigh from mommy) Okay, well where did you pee?  Did it get on the floor.

(Nodding) I pee in the bafroom, I kweened it up.

Show me...

She leads her mother into the bathroom and points to the small area between the toilet and the bathroom matt.

A bit baffled, her mother asks So you came into the bathroom, stood next to the potty and peed on the floor?  Just stood right in this spot and peed?

Yes.

Why would you do that?

(Large, heavy sighs) I tell you mommy, because I pee in my underpants!

Please note that this suspect is extremely skilled in the art of mind games, confusion and psychological warfare.

Parent Enemy #3: Gatsby - the Keyser Söze

Just when you thought that your oldest dog, your first baby, was the only being in the household that couldn't disappoint you.  You thought that he would never fail you, never disobey you, that he would always do as he was told...or really just that he's always good...BAM, you would be knocked on your rear with reality.

Though he doesn't have as many offenses as the other suspects, his one episode makes up for his lack of regularity.

Imagine entering a dimly lit room, Brinkley asleep on the floor, Ainsley asleep on the bed and Gatsby at full attention.

What's wrong buddy?

He's skittish too, his nerves are not the best.  Immediately you are aware that he's probably done something wrong.  Then you sit on the bed only to feel a slight wetness on your leg.  Turning around, you realize too late that there is a massive puddle of urine in the middle of the comforter, pooled in one of the valley's created by Ainsley's legs.

Yes, that is his MO.  Wait until no one's looking and then attack with all your might and glory and hope that they blame Brinkley!  Because really, do I have proof it was him?  No, I don't. 

Please note, there is also some suspicion that many of the chewing instances have been at least aided, if not lead by Gatsby.

Parent Enemy #4: Freddie - the up and comer

He's only 10 months old, so he really can't be blamed for peeing and pooping all over the place.  That's what he wants you to think.  He wants you to think "Oh he's so cute and innocent.  He can do no wrong."  But believe me, he has an agenda.

He's currently planning his big heist, just waiting for his moment.

Really though, because of the cloth diapers, poop and pee are just a part of everyday life. Plus, we couldn't leave him out because he's sure to produce just as much chaos in the next couple of years as his older sister and dogs.

So if you wonder why I'm not always on the ball, not quite at the top of my game, not extremely with it...remember that I'm up to my eyeballs in poop and pee and I am totally plotting my revenge.

Best Friends

Those of you that know Gatsby, know that he is not really the cuddly pup. He is so hyper and loves to jump and run and play and tug on toys. He'll run laps in our back yard for an hour straight and when someone other than Clif or me enters the house he doesn't stop jumping until one of us physicaly holds him down. However, he is pretty gentle with Ainsley. I will not say that she is his favorite person in the house. And I won't say that he wouldn't prefer to still be the baby. However, he does seem to know that she is smaller and weaker than him. And I think that they will be best friends yet! The other night they were passing a ball back and forth. It was in Gatsby's mouth and Ainsley would grab it and he'd let go. No tugging what so ever. Those that know Gatsby are all gasping in disbelief. I could hardly believe it myself. Then Ainsley would put it back in Gatsby's mouth and they went back and forth like that for awhile.

Now tonight, Ainsley wanted Gatsby's big, deflated, red ball that just randomly showed up in our back yard and now seems to be his favorite thing. NO WAY! Gatsby was not having that. But he never growls or snaps, just moves to the other couch or runs out the screen door. He's such a good puppy. We love him.

So we are into one week of trying to get Ainsley to sleep in her own crib, and I have to slay it is slow moving. We have encountered a new obstical...throwing up...every single night...the moment I lay her in her crib. Now, it's hard to imagine that a baby could correlate throwing up with being taken out of her crib, however I'm beginning to think that's the issue. Clif said that's way to sinister for a baby. And I said, well, all she knows is what she wants. She doesn't know about right and wrong...she only knows that when she throws up mommy picks her up and takes her out of the nursery. Now, I'm not really sure that this is what's going on, because she has also been throwing up every morning around breakfast time. Breakfast time and bedtime are each 2 hours after she takes her antibiotic (for the strep throat). So that could be a contributing factor. However, she did throw up a couple of times this weekend when she was on a different antibiotic. (Yes, we went back to the doctor on Monday because she still had a fever and she had managed to get an ear infection on top of the strep throat, so obviously the antibiotic was not woking, so they switched it.) I am allergic to a wide range of anitbiotics, so it's not unlikely that Ainsley will encounter the same issues. But, I digress. The point is, every single night she pukes in her crib within seconds of me lying her down. Some nights I switch sheets, but some nights, like tonight, extra sheets are dirty and I'm so tired...probably because I spent close to 3.5 hours trying to get her to sleep longer than 15 minutes in her crib last night. Plus, this time it soaked through to the mattress cover, which I do not have extras of. I really don't know what to do. I'm feeling very down hearted about it right now...probably because I'm so tired. I'll call the doctor tomorrow and they'll probably say to bring her in...whoopee another copay for them to tell me she's got a virus or some other thing that they can't do anything about and have you tried just letting her cry?

Sorry, I'm ranting a bit. When I get this way, I try to tell myself "Jaime, just let her sleep with you. She's so little, and one day she won't want to sleep with you. One day, she won't want much to do with you at all. She'll only be little for such a short period of time." That always maks me feel better, see feel better already. I rationalize the fact that I can not get my child in her crib and I feel better. All's good :)

Oh well, this too shall pass I guess...and maybe I'll be sad when it does.