The Big Move

Change is never easy.  It doesn't matter if it's something you've been working towards for a year or something you've avoided for a lifetime.  Change is hard.  And goodbyes are even harder.

Two weeks ago we emptied our townhouse in Fairfax and made the move 2 hours south to Richmond.  It is something I've wanted ever since we moved to Fairfax 6 years ago.  But my kids?  Well, they weren't looking to make any changes.

They had been through multiple goodbyes.  They had their last day at school, they had their final playdates and sleepovers with close friends, they had their last games and performances, and they spent their last day on Wedgeway place mostly at my neighbor's house.  My awesome, super-woman, neighbor who can do it all.  She kept my dogs all day while the movers loaded the truck.  She brought us lunch.  And she entertained my kids while all of their belongings were packed away.

We put the last few items in our cars and I walked over to her house to get the kids and the dogs.  I knew this would be the hardest part.  And as I watched her daughter throw her arms around Ainsley and cry, I couldn't really hold back the tears either.  I watched as two almost 10 year-olds said goodbye to their oldest friend, and it crushed me.

Ainsley didn't cry when she said goodbye to any of her other friends or at the last day of school or when we said goodbye to the townhouse.  But as we walked out the door it all came out and she climbed in the car trying hard to catch her breath.

Then, with fresh tears, I walked Freddie the opposite direction to say goodbye to his neighbor friend.  He mumbled goodbye and gave him a hug and I struggled desperately to keep it together.  As the door shut, Freddie's face crumbled and I added him to the car sobbing.

And not to be left out, Cohen picked this time to lament the loss of his daycare friends and teachers.  It was rough and in that moment I wanted to reverse it all.  Say never mind.  Unload the truck and stay in that little townhouse forever.

But you can't do that.  You can't stay in the same spot forever because change is scary and painful.  You can't avoid blooming because you're afraid to grow.

I stood in the driver's side window watching hearts break and tears fall and I wanted to take all of that pain away, but somehow in that exact same moment I knew this was exactly what we had to do.  Life does not remain static.  Life is ever evolving.  That is an agonizing, terrifying, and wonderful thing to learn.

I could keep my kids in the same spot forever, but life would still change.  Cohen would eventually leave his beloved babysitter for kindergarten.  Every year my kids get new teachers and new classmates.  A favorite neighbor or best friend could move away.  Then there is always the inevitability of a child leaving home.  Life is never going to look the same year to year,  or even day to day.  And even though that's a hard thing to move through, it's also exciting and amazing.  To know that you can move forward in life and have new experiences and unexpected adventures, but still have those people and places to return to if you want or need to.

In the two weeks since we've left the friends and school and neighbors that we know and love, we've made new friends.  We love our new house.  We've had new adventures.  It doesn't change how much we love and miss our previous life, but it doesn't mean we can't enjoy this new one.  We can do both.

Down the road, when my kids are settled and not missing Fairfax so much, I hope they remember the awesome adventure.  I hope the pain of the heartbreak fades.  And I hope they learn that good or bad, this too shall pass - so enjoy the good and don't dwell on the bad.  Life can change in a moment and it could all look different in the morning.

Change of Plans

Twelve years ago, Clif and I moved to the Richmond area and we both thought we'd live there forever.  But, the universe doesn't always cooperate with the plans you lay out for yourselves.  Six years ago, we moved to Northern Virginia.  First in with Clif's parents, and then into a little townhouse on the western edge of Fairfax County.

Ainsley started school, Cohen was born, Freddie started school, we got involved, we moved forward, we created a whole life for ourselves here.  But...

There was always a thought to move back to Richmond.  Northern Virginia is not an easy life.  Commuting is hard.  Affording...anything...is hard.  We weren't sure how we'd ever get out of the townhouse we were renting and buy our own place while still keeping our kids in the same school.  It didn't seem possible.

Eventually, we accepted that Richmond wasn't going to happen and then BOOM...that pesky universe just laughs in your face and says "You have plans, well those are not my plans!"

So this post is to tell you that the Whites are headed back to Richmond!

We are thrilled and sad all at the same time.  If you had placed this in front of me a few years ago, I would have ran there, never looking back.  But as we prepare to pack up our lives and head south, the whole thing is very bittersweet.

This is really the only home my kids have known, and they love their school, and they have friends, and I've made friends.  We will miss all of those people that we see every day at the bus stop, and every month in Girl Scout meetings, and every season at T-Ball games.  We will miss the acquaintances that have become real friends.  We will miss our school and our teachers that are top notch.

But we are excited.  Everything has fallen into place so easily so far...I mean as easy as can be expected when you are selling houses and buying houses and starting new jobs and finding new day care and registering at new schools and looking for new activities.

So I feel like the universe is leading us in the right direction.  We finally sold the house we'd been renting down there...God willing, we close on May 10th.  We bought a house.  Clif starts a new job on May 1st - meaning he will be living in Richmond full time and we will be living in Fairfax until school is out.

Lots of changes that are exciting but also very scary.  Change is so hard - good or bad.  It would be so easy to just live in our little comfortable lives forever, right?  But I guess that would also be pretty boring.

I was feeling particularly stressed recently and my mom was asking me questions over text message and I said "My life would be a lot less complicated if I just lived in this tiny townhouse forever." Yes, much less complicated.  Because buying a house is annoying and complicated, but I complain about this tiny townhouse every day.  And it would have been really easy just to sign that non-compete document at PVA.  It would have been boring and easy to stay in that job forever because I had signed my rights away.  But I would have complained about it and hated it and I would have never remembered what I liked about my old job.

So there you have it.  Keep us in your good thought vibes...it's going to be a crazy ride for the next couple of months.