Friday, May 2, 2014

The Truth About Grown Ups

Remember when you were a kid and you couldn't wait to grow up?  Because grown ups lived the cake life.  Grown ups can stay up as late as they want.  Grown ups can eat and drink whatever they want.  Grown ups can say whatever they want.  Being a grown up just had to be the most awesome thing ever.

I remember how badly I wanted the years to pass so that I could drive and work and have my own money.  It was going to be amazing...

As I type this the sound of the Family Feud wrong answer buzzer is going off in my head.


Amazing my a$$!

Granted, being an adult does have some benefits, mostly alcohol related.  All you little kids out there just waiting and hoping to grow up as fast as possible, first STOP IT, then read this...I'll tell you what being a grown up really means.

First and are responsible for EVERYTHING.  You know how now you do something that maybe you know is not right but you're still young so maybe you still get away with just being a kid?  Yeah, that totally ends when you're a grown up.  You now are responsible for everything you do.  And there is no playing dumb to get out of it.  You can't use the "I didn't know that" excuse because grown ups are supposed to know everything and know how to act and behave in every situation.

Along the same line as are now in charge of everything.  No waiting for mom to do your laundry or clean your room.  If the house is messy, you've gotta clean it or live in it.  If the toilet overflows, guess who's cleaning it up?  You are.  If you want dinner tonight, you'd better make it because no one else is.  Too bad if the smell of vomit makes you vomit...if some person or animal is vomiting on the carpet, you're the one who has to catch it, redirect it, and eventually clean it up.  If the smoke detector goes off in the middle of the night...drag yourself out of bed and find the step stool. You've gotta shut it off and figure out why.  And sometimes why, has nothing to do with smoke...

Yes, those are ants.  A whole colony of them just living and burrowing and setting off your smoke detector, right there in your basement ceiling.  Can't ask dad to take care of, you have to do it because you are the dad now that you're a grown up.  Go ahead and push your arm up there to pull the wires.  Then spend the rest of the night feeling like ants are eating you alive.   

Then the next day you have to find someone to take care of this.  Which brings me to the worst, most horrible thing about being a grown up...Bills and Money.

So right now, you're living your cute little life and thinking that people just love to give you things and you have everything, until...OMG, there is a new American Girl Doll!  You must have it, and someone in your life buys it for you and life is good.  Little do you know that that stupid doll costs $120.  ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS!!!  But even when you hear that, you're all "$120, is that a lot?" because you have no concept of money.  You have no understanding of something's worth.  No, $120 is not that much money, but for a DOLL?!?!?  Yes it is a lot of stinking money!

When you are a grown up $120 for a doll is way too much money.  You begin to think that you could definitely buy groceries and probably put some gas in your car for $120.  You are in charge of paying all the people to make sure that you have a nice life.  You pay for the TV, the lights, the warmth, the cool, the roof, the wheels.  Everything comes with a price tag.  You totally don't notice that as a kid.

Yes, grown ups pay a lot of BILLS and never have any MONEY. 

Oh and let me ruin one other little tidbit for you.  You know how you eat all the candy you want?  You sneak your Easter basket to your room and eat until you're sick?  You beg for piece after piece of gum and chocolate and gummies?  Well enjoy it now, cause by the time you're like 30, that sweet, adorable, super fast, little metabolism starts to poop out.

So there you have it, kiddos.  All your dreams of being a grown up debunked.  As my grandmother always said...Enjoy being a kid, you only get to do it for a short time.  Once you're a grown up, you're a grown up FOREVER...

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