Next week Ainsley will be back in school, I'll be back in full swing at work, and the hectic crazy schedule of fall will settle on us and I won't necessarily feel this way. But last night, I was almost crying as I went to bed. Knowing that I would close my eyes, and when I opened them it would all be over. I stayed up way past my bedtime, just prolonging the inevitable.
Last week was great. We packed a summer full of fun into one week. So it was busy, but worth it. Last summer, we had the luxury of being lazy. With a newborn around sometimes we needed to be lazy and spend the whole day in our PJs.
But not this time. This time I wanted the week to be filled with smiles and giggles and fun. Cohen barely napped...we were always on the go. We hit the zoo, the water park, a concert, a farm, the fountains, Chick-fil-A, the pool, bike riding...and we even found a rainy day to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie with popcorn and candy.
Normally, I am fine with work. I don't hate it, I don't love it...but I do love getting paid. I'm okay with my kids being away from me. Some days I miss them like crazy, others I welcome the break. I know they are off learning and doing things that I have no business teaching them. I know they are loved where they are. My kids are well adjusted and independent and bright and a lot of that has to do with daycare and preschool and extra activities.
But I won't lie, coming back to work is always hard and I know that for a few days I'll have this knot in my stomach. I know that today I'll blow off work and look at their pictures for most of the day. I'll recall Freddie asking me every day "Mommy, what we gonna do fun today?" And after I told him, he'd say "What else we gonna do fun today?" If you could just hear the way he says "else" you would fall madly in love. I will remember Cohen dancing at a Rocknocerous concert. The grin spreading across his face, his bottom bouncing up and down and his hands waving back and forth. I will think about how big Ainsley is getting. How kind she is to her brothers. How she watches out for them. How she can't wait to be big and grown and all I want to do is stop her.
Most of all, I will look forward to the next time I pretend to be a stay at home mom and spend all my time with the most awesome people I know.
