Why do I care what anyone thinks of me anyway? Why do I even think people notice the things I do? Pretty sure they don't.
So I flew to Chicago on Sunday, by myself, for work. I don't fly much. I fly by myself even less. I'm not scared of flying, but it does make me nervous. And every little bump we hit, I'm praying - begging - to make it out alive.
I got there in the afternoon with nothing really to do until dinner time. I was starving because I had missed lunch. I found an Irish Pub, but as I stood at the door...I felt the anxiety start. What if this isn't what it seems? What if there's no bar to sit at by myself? What if it's full? What if people stare at me for being alone?
In my head, right now...all those What if's seem so stupid! But in that split second, where I almost turned around and went to the Chipotle around the corner and then back to my room to eat, they were extremely valid.
I made myself go in, sit by myself, at the bar, and order a beer and french fries. They had Sam Adam's Cherry Wheat on tap!!! I could have missed out on that - one of my favorite beers - ON TAP! And the french fries were so amazing. Especially with the homemade BBQ sauce they served for dipping.
I had decided before I left that I would go jogging Monday morning before my meetings. I was so excited to be in a brand new city, see new things, and jog along Lake Michigan. But then, as it got closer, I started doubting myself again.
What if the path was dangerous? What if I got lost? What if I end up in a bad part of town?
I almost backed out. Almost didn't go. Almost missed some amazing skyline views of a beautiful city.
Almost missed a chance to walk on the beach.
Almost missed a beautiful sky over a beautiful lake.
In that moment when my anxiety creeps in and almost takes over, all I want to do is stay in bed. I'm finally getting better at putting it aside and pushing through. Maybe one day I'll actually be one of those people that doesn't think twice about a comfort zone or stepping out of it.
Okay, we all know that probably won't happen but a girl can dream can't she?