However, I have always said that if I ever got Ainsley to sleep like a normal kid I would write a book and make millions. Well, I can barely find time to write this blog, so I don't think a book deal is showing up anytime soon.
Ainsley is the anti-sleeper. If you have read this blog at all, you already know that. She is the perfect storm for sleep deprived parents...
1 - She hates being left out. She would rather force her eyes open and watch me fold clothes than just get the sleep she so desperately needs.
2 - She can not self soothe. She has never attached herself to a bottle, a thumb, a finger, a blanket, a baby doll, a stuffed animal, an article of my clothing. The only thing that has ever made her secure is another person to cling to.
3 - She can not put herself to sleep. Anytime I have tried to instill this in her, it has ended in disaster. Imagine, if you will, a very tired, very frustrated, at her wits end mother, reversing the door knob on her 3 year old's bedroom door so said 3 year old can't leave the room. I know, not my proudest moment. But I have been driven over the cliff with this child and her sleep issues.
I was really at peace with the situation. This was our issue. Ainsley is the perfect child otherwise. Why should I complain that she wants to snuggle with me at night? It wouldn't last forever. But then it hit me. I was really doing this girl a disservice.
It happened about 6 weeks ago. We were over at some friends. There were a bunch of kids all around Ainsley's age. Clif was staying to hang out while I took the kids home. He would spend the night. Some other dads were staying over with their kids. A sleep over! Ainsley wanted to stay. How could I let her stay? Could I really expect the mom - who had her own three kids to put to bed - to sleep with my daughter? Clif was staying to catch up with some visiting friends. Our deal was that I would take the kids home at a reasonable hour. I couldn't ask him to change his plans to sleep on the floor, in a sleeping bag with Ainsley.
She cried the whole way home. And I thought...this is my fault. If I had taught her to do this, then I could have left her. Clif was there, I could have left her to go to sleep with her little friends and have her first sleep over.
And what happens in a couple of years when little girls at school are having sleep overs? Will she still need a mommy to sleep with her? The thought of her missing out on things like that because I hadn't been able to figure this out, killed me. I couldn't let it happen. So it started...the sleep chart...
The deal was that if she could go to sleep on her own for a certain number of nights she would get a reward. Three nights = Slurpee. Five nights = Target shopping. Seven nights = Build A Bear. Ten nights = Movies.
I took the picture about a month ago. It took over a week to get through the first 3 nights. We just finished the 10 night stretch. She's doing really well. I can't believe that I can walk out of her room and have her fall asleep. She still whines every night that I leave, but she does it. I think the whining is more for show. We still have our bumps...like when she screams and cries for an hour straight, or when I head to bed at 11 and she's still awake. But for the most part, I feel like we've got a good thing going. For the first time in years, Clif and I can actually follow a grown up show like The Walking Dead*. We can read books. We can get laundry done before midnight.
But most of all, I feel like we've given Ainsley something important. I always thought that letting her sleep with me was fine. That it made her feel safe and that was the most important thing. I want her to feel safe, that is extremely important...but more, I want her to feel confident, I want her to feel fear and conquer it, I want her to problem solve, I want her to rely on herself. She's only 4 and I expect her to rely on me and Clif for awhile...but hopefully we're getting her on the right foot.
*Holy Hell!!! Does anyone watch this show? All I think about is zombies. Last night I dreamed that I met Jennifer Lopez (random in itself) and she was a zombie! Crazy stuff.
