Wednesday, May 13, 2015


Last week was a bad week.  Emotional, sad, tiring...heavy.

My aunt passed away after a long, tough battle with ovarian cancer.  It wasn't a shock, it was expected, and her passing was a blessing after the pain and suffering she had endured.  Doesn't make it less sad.

We took Gatsby in for a lump, that we assumed was nothing.  Turned out it was cancer.  He had to have surgery to remove it, x-rays to see if it had spread.

I got a letter from Ainsley's school saying she was falling behind.  That she should probably attend summer school to stay on target.  A form letter.  In May.  Nothing personal or informative, just a basic template with her name written in to the blank space.

That was Tuesday.

It was a heavy day.  A day that I wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed, snuggle under the covers, and watch reruns of Friends until laughter replaced tears and the growing knot in my stomach dissipated.  But Clif was in Boston for work and there were three little people that needed to eat and, I pulled up my big girl panties and marched my way through the evening until it was bedtime and I could sit down and work on the things I wasn't able to focus on at work that day.

But thank God for them, right?  They do make me laugh and keep me on task and give me something to occupy my time when the heavy takes up residence on my chest.  Somehow, with all the responsibility that comes with raising three children, they lighten the load in the emotional department.

Things have gotten better.  I finally worked up the nerve and found the words to email Ainsley's principal.  We are currently in an exciting game of phone tag.  Gatsby's tests all came back positively.  The lump was removed, the cancer had not spread, and the Vet believes that he's cured.  And Sue?  Well, she's soaring with the best of them.  No longer a slave to her sick body.

But here I am, a week later still feeling heavy.  Still wondering why life can be so damn hard at times.  Why everything seems to come crashing down at once.  One of the great universal mysteries.  I know it will pass.  The heaviness will be replaced with love and laughter.  You can't feel great happiness without great sadness.  The ying and the yang.  You take the good, you take the bad...

Life is one big flipping coin.  Heads or tails.  You never know how it will land.  If you'll be a big winner or loser that day.  But one thing's for sure, you've got a 50/50 chance either way.
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