Ainsley,
I'm going to try not and cry as I write this. But I guess it would be better to do it now instead of at the bus stop tomorrow morning.
Tonight feels different than most weekends coming to an end. Tomorrow you take a huge step in life. You start Kindergarten and you are so thrilled. I am so excited for you.
But...
I'm petrified. So afraid of something hurting you or scaring you...I just want to hop on that bus with you to make sure you have a seat. Then I want to follow you to your classroom to make sure you don't get lost. I want to sit in the room all day to be sure you're heard when you need to be.
It's really hard to let you go. I know you're not going to college or moving across the country, but this is a big let go for me. I've always been the one in control. Sure, you've gone to daycare but it's different. I don't get to drop you off in your room and chat with your teacher and call to check on you. I have to just trust that it will all be taken care of. I have to trust people I don't even know to make sure you're okay.
Are you ready? Have I taught you what you need? Have I prepared you? Do you know enough about strangers? Do you understand that other kids can be cruel? Have I showed you how to be kind and brave? Do you know that no matter what, we will always love you? From the depths of our hearts. You can always turn home for comfort and answers and support.
I feel like there's so much we haven't covered and now here we are on the eve of Kindergarten and I'm speechless. All I can do is smile at you and kiss your forehead, afraid that the tears will spill if I utter a word.
My head knows this is what's best for you right now, but my heart is aching. Tomorrow I'll wave goodbye to a little girl riding on a school bus, but all I'll see is that perfect, sweet bundle they handed me five years ago.
I love you Ainsley. You're going to rock the socks off of that Kindergarten class.
Love,
Mommy
