What is Three?

Dear Freddie,

Today you are three.

I just talked to Daddy and he says you were a bear this morning.  You didn't want to go to school.  You didn't even want to have "Happy Birthday" sang to you.

Three is a tough year.  I remember, just after Ainsley turned three I took her to the doctor and mentioned how defiant and impossible she had gotten.  The doctor smiled and said "Yeah, three is way harder than two."

No one tells you that before you have a three year old.  They call it the Terrible Twos, not Threes.  Maybe because at two a child gets brave and ambitious and makes a parent go insane with all they're in to.  But at three, a child actually starts thinking like a little person.  Starts reasoning and figuring all the stuff out.  They do know what's right and wrong, what should and shouldn't be done...but they don't care.  And that is way harder to deal with than the brave little two year old.

Three is still in diapers but wants to try on the potty every day.
Three still needs help getting his clothes on but insists on doing it himself.
Three loves his big boy bed but still wants to cuddle and rock.
Three is hilarious.  Sometimes on purpose and sometimes not.
Three loves to follow his big sister around but still has a voice of his own.
Three is fist fulls of energy bouncing off the walls but crashes hard at bedtime.

Three holds so many contradictions.  It's this transition from toddler to little kid.  It's the want for independence but the need for help in a grown up world.

Freddie, you have brought so much joy and laughter into my life.  You are passionate and loud and determined and beautiful.  You are smart and witty and brave.  Sometimes you are more than I can handle.  You are, by far, the most amazing little boy I have ever met and I'm so grateful that you burst on the scene three years ago.

I love you little man.  Happy Birthday.

Love,
Mommy 

The Weight of One Year

Dear Freddie,

One year...I can't believe it's been a year. 

For you, it's been your whole life so I'm sure it seems much longer than a blink of an eye.  But for me, that's exactly what it is.  A blink and you went from this tiny, screaming baby, to my sweet big boy that you are today.

You have taught me so much about myself.  In the depths of my imagination, I could never picture myself mothering a boy.  But then there you were, waiting to be mothered and somehow it came so perfectly easy.  And now, when I think about all I get to teach you and show you?  I'm so excited.  I'm so happy that Daddy and I get to teach you to be a man.  That we can show you how to treat a woman and how to nurture your own children one day.  What a gift you are to me.  What an awesome responsibility you have placed at my feet, to mold a tiny little baby boy into a good man.  I am up for the challenge.  I know that one day I will count helping you along your path as one of my greatest accomplishments.

Your big sister Ainsley made me a mommy, but you made me a better mommy and a stronger person.  Ainsley was pretty easy.  As a baby, nothing bothered her, she rarely cried, she smiled all the time.

You?  Well, you were not quite as easy.  You had terrible reflux that made you quite cranky at times, unable to rest from the burning in your chest.  You were bothered, you were cranky, you cried a lot.  But somehow, all that made me love you even more.  It showed me what a fierce personality you had...and you have not disappointed.  Once that reflux subsided and you came into your own a little more...all that crying and crankiness became the best belly laugh I have ever heard.  You demand to be heard, and I just love that about you.  I know that these demands will lead you in great places.  This need to speak and be heard will make you stand your ground and fight for what you believe in.

You have changed and grown so much in this last year.  I can't believe that you're walking and starting to talk.  You amaze me every day. 

Thank you for coming into my life.  Thank you for who you are and who you will be.

Happy Birthday Little Boy!

Love,

Mommy