Over. IT.

I started a post this week called "Brothers."  I haven't finished it, because this week?  Was not my most stellar.  So today, instead of finishing that very sweet post I was writing, I'm writing a rant post because I feel like if it doesn't come out in a healthy way I'm going to explode and take people with me.

What am I over exactly?  Name it!

Snow days? Over it.
Too cold for school days? Over it.
2 hour delays? Over it.
Taking away already scheduled days off because of previously mentioned issues? Over it.
Runny noses? Over it.
Coughs? Over it.
3 hours of sleep at night? Over it.
Sinus headaches? Over it.
Stomach bugs? Over it.
Middle of the night vomiting? Over it.
Working from home with kids that are too sick for school but too healthy to be miserable on the couch? OVER IT.

I think I could go on, and on, and on...

I am in a serious funk.  January has been rough.  I've been off of work or working from home way more than I've been in the office.  I'm feeling overwhelmed.

Working at home is nice...when my kids are in school.  When I'm working from home out of necessity - you know so I don't use all my days in a 3 week span in the middle of this SH**TY season - and 1, 2, or ALL of my kids are home with me.  That freaking sucks!

I spend all day in a gut wrenching, stress filled, ADD tailspin...

While I work, I'm thinking "I really need to strip the beds.  I'm pretty sure Ainsley threw up in her bed last night. Didn't she ask me for crackers an hour ago?"

While I clean, I'm thinking "I really need to give Ainsley a bath.  Seriously doubt the 4 AM, half-assed, hair wash in the sink is cutting it."

While I attend to the children, I'm thinking "I really need to get back to my email.  I know that report is due in an hour and SHIT, I'm missing a conference call."

And so it goes, round and round, and round again.  It's a vicious cycle.

I actually looked at our budget this week to see if I could afford to quit my job.  Because even though, I know we can't afford it and I seriously doubt I could deal with winters as a stay at home mom...it's got to be better than this feeling of being split in half.  Not giving my full attention to anything, being half a mom, half an employee.  It's got to take this weight off my shoulders that is dragging me through the mud.

I know I'm not the only one.  I know all working moms feel this way.  But when you're stuck in your house for the 3rd day with slightly sick, almost healthy children, and you've missed a deadline, and the kids are fighting over who gets to have the pirate cup, and your house is a wreck, and laundry has to be reproducing - has to be because no chance you own that many clothes, and you only got a few hours of sleep last night...it sure does feel lonely.

Then last night as I'm putting Cohen to bed, I read this article called "Are you wishing away what others are missing?"  And it's a very sweet article about different places in the parenting spectrum, told from a woman in my shoes with little ones and a woman with grown children.  And how the woman with little ones wishes it was easier to get them in the car, but the other misses their car rides together because those were the best conversations.  And the woman with little ones wishes the baby would walk so she didn't have to carry her everywhere, but the other misses the way she looked with a baby on her hip.  And you get the picture.

Well didn't that just make me feel like the biggest jerk ever after yelling at my kids all day because they are bouncing off walls and I am stressed and they are fighting and I need to get things done.  I do get it.  Look at the positive.  Find the good side.  I try...really I do.  I gotta say, there's not much good about a kid slipping in her own puke at 4 AM.  I'm not sure I can find the good side of that. 

Alright rant over...I'm back at work today.  Kids are back in school today.  Hopefully the nastiness has left our house and we can get back to normal.  And on the bright side, winter is half over.  I'm always less over things when the air is warmer and the ground thaws out.  So for now, I will just keep my sights set on Spring and the thought of walks to the park and sidewalk chalk and bike rides and children who actually get to use all this pent up energy that God "blessed" them with.

Just a Guest

Clif and I have been to lots of weddings.  I mean LOTS of weddings.  I can't count how many weddings we've been to, but one year before we were even engaged we went to 10...5 of which one of us were in.

Between the ages of 25 and 28 everyone you've ever met gets married.  Then you get a break.  And then 3 out of 4 of your younger siblings get married within 1 year!  And you and your kids are in all those weddings...it requires a very skilled act of juggling. 

Last summer, Clif was the best man and Ainsley was the flower girl in Cam and Amanda's wedding.  I had my hands full with a 3 month old who was breastfeeding around the clock.

Exactly one year ago this Saturday I was the matron of honor in my sister's wedding.  Ainsley was the flower girl.  Clif was a groomsman.  And Freddie was pure cuteness!  He didn't have an actual role in the wedding, but he was there and still breastfeeding most of the time.

Five months ago I was a bridesmaid, Clif was a groomsman, Ainsley was a flower girl and Freddie was a ring bearer in Caitlyn and Oliver's wedding.

As a bridesmaid or groomsman you have a lot to do the day of the wedding...hair, makeup, hang out with the bride/groom, participate in weekend plans with the wedding party...that is not easy to do with two children who also have to be dressed and ready to walk down the aisle.

Not that we weren't honored to be involved in all three weddings...we were, but it's not the carefree, easy time it was before kids.

Last weekend we went to a wedding and...wait for it...none of us were in it!!!  Clif's cousin got married in Connecticut.  We took a long weekend, hung out with Cameron, Amanda, Caitlyn and Oliver and went to the wedding on Saturday.

It was a pretty good time.  However, weddings?  Not the same when you've got kids.  In my younger days, I spent the first couple hours of the reception getting a bit tipsy so I could spend the last hour or so dancing.

Now, we spent the first hour running circles around the empty dance floor, then passed out in our seats for the rest of the evening.

But it was still a good time and a good excuse to wear our prettiest dress.