On Friday, I baked a cake. If you know me well, you probably know that baking is not really my thing. I make cookies with my kids and let them help me bake boxed cupcakes, because that's what moms are supposed to do. I don't really enjoy it that much. And baking from scratch...no.
It's too precise. I don't have the patience. Rarely do I have an hour or more to dedicate to the creation of sweet, baked goods.
But, last week was also my birthday. And this summer, my aunt gave me my grandmother's birthday cake recipe. In her handwriting. Framed. The most weep-worthy gift I can remember receiving in a long time.
And this cake...it's my whole childhood. It's part of every birthday, every celebration, every family get together. It recalls memories of gentle hand slaps as I tried to swipe the icing with my fingertip, smiles from my grandmother as she shooed me away, and laughter as we sat around enjoying the treat.
I had decided weeks before that I'd make it for my birthday. But just so happens that my birthday always falls at a bad time. Back to school. And this particular year...Back to School Night. So it had to wait a few days.
Friday morning, after dropping the kids off, I went to the store to buy real sugar, white flour, and Crisco. Things I haven't bought in a long time. And that afternoon I set out following directions to a tee. Sifting flour and cocoa together three times. Adding only one egg at a time until it was fully immersed in the batter. Adding baking soda to freshly brewed coffee and watching it foam up the sides of the measuring cup. Whisking continuously until the flour thickened the milk. Waiting 5 minute for the vinegar to sour the milk.
So many times I wanted to cheat. Is it really necessary to add eggs individually? Sifting? Really, is it needed? Sour milk? Wouldn't regular milk do?
But I didn't. I took every step as my grandmother had laid it out. Waited each time she asked. Alternated ingredients each time she instructed.
It took me an hour. An hour before baking. I'm not sure I've ever spent an hour baking one thing. Especially not a cake for myself. But as I was sifting and whisking and alternating I thought a lot of my grandmother. She was so patient and seemed to take her time with everything. At a time when conveniences and time savers were at a minimum, she seemed to enjoy the long tasks of shucking corn and canning vegetables. She could be found weeding her garden most spring days. If she wasn't home, she might be picking berries to make jam later that day.
I rarely have that kind of patience. I won't make a recipe that has more than 5 ingredients or takes longer than 30 minutes. My house is only kind of clean most of the time because I don't scrub grout with toothbrushes or dust picture frames. And it is a rare, RARE occasion that I move furniture to vacuum.
But Friday, I made myself enjoy it. And I did enjoy it. I performed each task meticulously and checked each direction thrice. Friday I had the time. Friday was my last day of unemployment. I had spent the last 6 weeks cleaning and organizing and playing with my kids and working out and maybe binging a few Neflix shows. And Friday was my last day of nothingness. The kids were all in school. No chores. I finished House of Cards on Netflix. So what else could I do but bake the perfect cake?
Tomorrow I go back to work. I go back to a previous employer in a town I used to live in. Tomorrow I go back to the craziness of juggling work and school and activities and me time. But Friday? Friday was all about the cake and making it just right and seeing to it that my grandmother gets to touch my kids life in some way. And after all of the instructions and time it took to create, it was perfect. Exactly as I remembered. And I know my grandmother would be happy to see me enjoy every moment it took to get there.
Showing posts with label unemployment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unemployment. Show all posts
Sunday, September 18, 2016
Wednesday, August 3, 2016
Summer Flies
Is it seriously August? I always look so forward to summer. No strict school/homework schedule. We kind of bail on extra activities to free up our evenings. But between different camps and visits with relatives and family reunions and beach trips and weddings...the summer just flies by.
I think I last wrote on Cohen's birthday and so much has happened since then. SO MUCH!!
Let's see. We went to the beach. It was not our typical beach trip with extended family, in a big house, in South Nags Head, for a whole week. Instead it was 5 days, in a hotel, in Kill Devil Hills. And it was just the 5 of us. It was nice to have a vacation with just us. Not that we don't love the big family trips, those are awesome. But it was low key and relaxing to just do our own thing for a few days. It was expensive, since we had to pretty much eat out every meal. The hotel was, ehh. I guess what you get with a beach hotel. The beach was crowded. But we had such a great time. We had one day where the water was so calm and shallow that the kids played all day and there was no worry about waves or riptides. We played putt putt and ate crab legs and drove bumper boats and had fun drinks. I would have loved for it to last a few more days.
Then we celebrated Ainsley's 9th birthday. I'm not even sure how that is possible. She is growing up so fast and everyday I'm slapped in the face with the realization that she's that much closer to being a teenager and an adult.
We are skipping parties this year so we took a couple of friends to Chuck E Cheese and then out for ice cream. Then we had dinner at a hibachi place.
Next we headed to North Carolina for our annual family reunion. My dad is one of 7 siblings. The alternate locations every year so the planning falls on each of them once every 7 years. My dad is not in the best position to throw a family reunion for 50 people, so my sister and I took it on this year. I got to spend the whole week with my two nephews (one of them just a few weeks old) and my sister. And we shopped and cooked and cleaned all in preparation for the arrival of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. The reunion was great and I think everyone had a great time.
Then Monday it was back to camps and work and reality. And back to a big decision that we had to make. Let me take a step back.
About three weeks ago the organization I work for presented me with a non disclosure/non compete agreement. Originally they had wanted it signed by the following Friday. Due to questions and issues, it got put off a few times. I spoke to a lawyer and some HR people and some recruiters about the document. And here is what I gathered from all of that. It was enforceable and it was very broad. It would have definitely limited my employment opportunities after I chose to leave my job. It would have also limited my employability if I was let go from my job. Usually these types of agreements are given to high level people (which I am not) and are used to deter the sharing of proprietary information (which I don't have). It is also usually presented upon employment and can be used to negotiate pay and severance packages. The organization would not even consider a bonus or a pay raise tied to it.
Monday was the deadline for signing and I chose not to sign. I was then told that I was no longer employed with the organization.
So boom! I am unemployed. Yesterday was a tough day, but I think that had more to do with my lack of sleep than not having a job. Today is better. But it is a strange feeling, not having work to do. I've either been working or in school since I was 15. And to be basically fired? Wow. That's new too. I've never left somewhere like that. I'm friends with all of my old employers and coworkers. Seems like that won't be happening this time. Supervisors are not so happy with me. The organization apparently couldn't care less about me. But it is what it is and I don't regret my decision at all. I'd rather take my changes now without restriction than sign a document that would completely tie my hands.
It's hard to know what to do with myself, but I will work out and clean my house and do some projects I haven't had time for and look for something new. From the very start of all of this I've felt like it's one of those "a door shuts but a window opens" situations. I've been looking to leave my job for awhile, but haven't managed to gain the nerve to do it. So really, though it's hard to be so idle, I'm glad and I'm not worried. I know I'll figure something out.
And that about catches you up on all the happenings.
I think I last wrote on Cohen's birthday and so much has happened since then. SO MUCH!!
Let's see. We went to the beach. It was not our typical beach trip with extended family, in a big house, in South Nags Head, for a whole week. Instead it was 5 days, in a hotel, in Kill Devil Hills. And it was just the 5 of us. It was nice to have a vacation with just us. Not that we don't love the big family trips, those are awesome. But it was low key and relaxing to just do our own thing for a few days. It was expensive, since we had to pretty much eat out every meal. The hotel was, ehh. I guess what you get with a beach hotel. The beach was crowded. But we had such a great time. We had one day where the water was so calm and shallow that the kids played all day and there was no worry about waves or riptides. We played putt putt and ate crab legs and drove bumper boats and had fun drinks. I would have loved for it to last a few more days.
Then we celebrated Ainsley's 9th birthday. I'm not even sure how that is possible. She is growing up so fast and everyday I'm slapped in the face with the realization that she's that much closer to being a teenager and an adult.
We are skipping parties this year so we took a couple of friends to Chuck E Cheese and then out for ice cream. Then we had dinner at a hibachi place.
Next we headed to North Carolina for our annual family reunion. My dad is one of 7 siblings. The alternate locations every year so the planning falls on each of them once every 7 years. My dad is not in the best position to throw a family reunion for 50 people, so my sister and I took it on this year. I got to spend the whole week with my two nephews (one of them just a few weeks old) and my sister. And we shopped and cooked and cleaned all in preparation for the arrival of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. The reunion was great and I think everyone had a great time.
Then Monday it was back to camps and work and reality. And back to a big decision that we had to make. Let me take a step back.
About three weeks ago the organization I work for presented me with a non disclosure/non compete agreement. Originally they had wanted it signed by the following Friday. Due to questions and issues, it got put off a few times. I spoke to a lawyer and some HR people and some recruiters about the document. And here is what I gathered from all of that. It was enforceable and it was very broad. It would have definitely limited my employment opportunities after I chose to leave my job. It would have also limited my employability if I was let go from my job. Usually these types of agreements are given to high level people (which I am not) and are used to deter the sharing of proprietary information (which I don't have). It is also usually presented upon employment and can be used to negotiate pay and severance packages. The organization would not even consider a bonus or a pay raise tied to it.
Monday was the deadline for signing and I chose not to sign. I was then told that I was no longer employed with the organization.
So boom! I am unemployed. Yesterday was a tough day, but I think that had more to do with my lack of sleep than not having a job. Today is better. But it is a strange feeling, not having work to do. I've either been working or in school since I was 15. And to be basically fired? Wow. That's new too. I've never left somewhere like that. I'm friends with all of my old employers and coworkers. Seems like that won't be happening this time. Supervisors are not so happy with me. The organization apparently couldn't care less about me. But it is what it is and I don't regret my decision at all. I'd rather take my changes now without restriction than sign a document that would completely tie my hands.
It's hard to know what to do with myself, but I will work out and clean my house and do some projects I haven't had time for and look for something new. From the very start of all of this I've felt like it's one of those "a door shuts but a window opens" situations. I've been looking to leave my job for awhile, but haven't managed to gain the nerve to do it. So really, though it's hard to be so idle, I'm glad and I'm not worried. I know I'll figure something out.
And that about catches you up on all the happenings.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Fresh Starts
At the end of 2008 I was at my parents house for Christmas. It was the first time in awhile that my whole family was together for a holiday.
Clif and I were thinking about another baby and were also determined to get out of debt within the next two years. We had a budget and a plan and we were excited about the coming year. I even said "2009's going to be a really good year."
2009 was not a good year. Within weeks of me saying those silly words, my parents would split up, Clif would lose his job and I would be pregnant. A month or so later, I would miscarry. It would be 5 months before I was pregnant again. So 2009 would not be the year of financial freedom or the year of a sibling for Ainsley. It ended up being one of the hardest years of my life. And I know, if that's as bad as it gets, I'm lucky. But that one year, set us back...way back. Financially - our debt tripled. Emotionally - we would worry more, argue more, cry more. Physically - I gained about 20 pounds.
In 2010, after 18 months of unemployment Clif found a job. A job that would move us away from our beloved Richmond. A job that would take us back to Northern Virgina, a place I really never wanted to return to...but a job. Also in 2010, Freddie was born. Definitely one of the best days of my life. So 2010 was a good year. It was still hard. We were still living paycheck to paycheck, but at least we were on the right path.
2011 started with me joining Clif in Northern Virginia...in his parent's house. Those first few months were very hard. I don't struggle with depression or anxiety...but those first few months are the closest I've ever come. I could not see past my anger, pain, and humiliation. I cried daily. I pulled away from everyone. I couldn't face the world. I went through the motions.
So now here were are, 2012. We've got tenants in both our properties. We've managed to save some money and pay off all of our medical bills. Granted that was a small portion of our debt, but it's something. We've got two beautiful children, growing up way too fast. I've lost 12 pounds...it's taken forever, but it's happening. And now, we are moving out of Kip and Denise's house. We signed a lease Wednesday night. We'll be in by the end of the month.
I'm excited and nervous and worried...all those things you go through when you're going out on your own...only this time, I know all the pitfalls. So, I can try to plan for them, but also it scares me more.
Mostly it feels good. It feels like we're finally making a fresh start, that our life in limbo land is coming to an end and we can finally start taking a few steps forward. Financially, it's still going to be a struggle. We've already cut way back on spending...we started that 3 years ago. But we won't be able to save as much, we won't be able to pay things off as quickly. Our 2 year plan from 2008 looks more like a 4 year plan now. But now I'm thinking...so what. It would be great to have my debt erased and my savings account padded. It would be awesome to have a nice little nest egg for each of my kids. I would LOVE a vacation. But right now, none of that is in the cards...but I know it will be. We just have to be patient and let the next few years happen.
However, I wouldn't say I'm the most patient person...
Clif and I were thinking about another baby and were also determined to get out of debt within the next two years. We had a budget and a plan and we were excited about the coming year. I even said "2009's going to be a really good year."
2009 was not a good year. Within weeks of me saying those silly words, my parents would split up, Clif would lose his job and I would be pregnant. A month or so later, I would miscarry. It would be 5 months before I was pregnant again. So 2009 would not be the year of financial freedom or the year of a sibling for Ainsley. It ended up being one of the hardest years of my life. And I know, if that's as bad as it gets, I'm lucky. But that one year, set us back...way back. Financially - our debt tripled. Emotionally - we would worry more, argue more, cry more. Physically - I gained about 20 pounds.
In 2010, after 18 months of unemployment Clif found a job. A job that would move us away from our beloved Richmond. A job that would take us back to Northern Virgina, a place I really never wanted to return to...but a job. Also in 2010, Freddie was born. Definitely one of the best days of my life. So 2010 was a good year. It was still hard. We were still living paycheck to paycheck, but at least we were on the right path.
2011 started with me joining Clif in Northern Virginia...in his parent's house. Those first few months were very hard. I don't struggle with depression or anxiety...but those first few months are the closest I've ever come. I could not see past my anger, pain, and humiliation. I cried daily. I pulled away from everyone. I couldn't face the world. I went through the motions.
So now here were are, 2012. We've got tenants in both our properties. We've managed to save some money and pay off all of our medical bills. Granted that was a small portion of our debt, but it's something. We've got two beautiful children, growing up way too fast. I've lost 12 pounds...it's taken forever, but it's happening. And now, we are moving out of Kip and Denise's house. We signed a lease Wednesday night. We'll be in by the end of the month.
I'm excited and nervous and worried...all those things you go through when you're going out on your own...only this time, I know all the pitfalls. So, I can try to plan for them, but also it scares me more.
Mostly it feels good. It feels like we're finally making a fresh start, that our life in limbo land is coming to an end and we can finally start taking a few steps forward. Financially, it's still going to be a struggle. We've already cut way back on spending...we started that 3 years ago. But we won't be able to save as much, we won't be able to pay things off as quickly. Our 2 year plan from 2008 looks more like a 4 year plan now. But now I'm thinking...so what. It would be great to have my debt erased and my savings account padded. It would be awesome to have a nice little nest egg for each of my kids. I would LOVE a vacation. But right now, none of that is in the cards...but I know it will be. We just have to be patient and let the next few years happen.
However, I wouldn't say I'm the most patient person...
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Don't Worry, We Had a Gift Card
I close the checkbook and toss it on top of the pile of bills. A very familiar feeling settles over me, just like it does every weekend when I finish paying bills and organizing the finances. Mostly fear. Fear that they won't renew unemployment, fear that next month we'll have an emergency, fear that the savings account is almost dry. But on top of that fear is the anger. The anger runs hot through my heart and mind. It burns through my veins and hijacks my thoughts. Sometimes it's all I see.
There was a time that I thought this would be a good thing. That Clif could find something he really wanted to do. That he would suddenly land in something that would change our lives. But that was early on. When the job loss was fresh. Now a year in, there's not much of a silver lining. No grand epiphany or opportunity has knocked at the door.
I lean back in the chair and stare at the computer screen. The numbers are in red. I say a little prayer that my latest written check won't clear until Friday and that the groceries we have will last the week. I place my hands on my swollen abdomen and feel the baby move side to side. Ten weeks and he'll be here. Ten weeks and another bill will pull from the dried up well. Ten weeks and my pay will be slashed for maternity leave.
I breath deep to fend off the tears threatening to spill. I'm pulled from my thoughts as the door gushes open and a giggling bouncing two year old flows through.
"Mommy!" she squeals and rushes to my arms. Clif is behind her carrying a balloon from Chick-fil-A, a stuffed dog and the spilling diaper bag.
"Hi Ainsley! How are you? What have you been doing?"
"We goed to da pwaydround at da mall and goed to Tick-fa-aye!"
Clif interjects, "Don't worry, we had a gift card." He says things like this often, we don't spend money on extras. We use gift cards and find coupons and attend free events.
I smile as Ainsley pulls away to join her daddy on the couch. He turns on Sleeping Beauty and they continue with their day, cuddling on the couch watching Ainsley's favorite Disney movie du jour.
The same day they always have. Daddy and Ainsley together always.
This post was written in response to a prompt at The Red Dress Club: This week we want you to recall something in your life that seemed terrible at the time, but looking back, brought you something wonderful.
There was a time that I thought this would be a good thing. That Clif could find something he really wanted to do. That he would suddenly land in something that would change our lives. But that was early on. When the job loss was fresh. Now a year in, there's not much of a silver lining. No grand epiphany or opportunity has knocked at the door.
I lean back in the chair and stare at the computer screen. The numbers are in red. I say a little prayer that my latest written check won't clear until Friday and that the groceries we have will last the week. I place my hands on my swollen abdomen and feel the baby move side to side. Ten weeks and he'll be here. Ten weeks and another bill will pull from the dried up well. Ten weeks and my pay will be slashed for maternity leave.
I breath deep to fend off the tears threatening to spill. I'm pulled from my thoughts as the door gushes open and a giggling bouncing two year old flows through.
"Mommy!" she squeals and rushes to my arms. Clif is behind her carrying a balloon from Chick-fil-A, a stuffed dog and the spilling diaper bag.
"Hi Ainsley! How are you? What have you been doing?"
"We goed to da pwaydround at da mall and goed to Tick-fa-aye!"
Clif interjects, "Don't worry, we had a gift card." He says things like this often, we don't spend money on extras. We use gift cards and find coupons and attend free events.
I smile as Ainsley pulls away to join her daddy on the couch. He turns on Sleeping Beauty and they continue with their day, cuddling on the couch watching Ainsley's favorite Disney movie du jour.
The same day they always have. Daddy and Ainsley together always.
This post was written in response to a prompt at The Red Dress Club: This week we want you to recall something in your life that seemed terrible at the time, but looking back, brought you something wonderful.
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