Light Bulb

I have always worried about money.  Always.

I have always felt like I'm drowning in my finances.  Always.

When I was a kid, my parents weren't handing me 20's every week for the movies or new clothes at the mall.  It was made very clear, very early on, if I wanted that, I'd need to work.  So, I started babysitting when I was 11.  I even advertised.

I didn't get a car until I was almost 20.  And then it was my parents' 1988 Bonneville.  I paid and borrowed my way through college.  I racked up lots of debt the moment I graduated and decided to live on my own, even though I couldn't afford it.  Especially when necessities like rent and power were accompanied with happy hour bills and eating lunch out every day.

But, I pulled through.  I paid off that debt.  I bought a new car when the Bonnie died.  I paid off student loans.  I paid for my wedding.  I bought a house.  I did all of that with zero financial help.  And I'm proud of that.  Financial freedom, is freedom.  No one got to to tell me who was invited to my wedding, because I was paying for it.  No one could yell at me for skipping an 8 am class, because I was paying for it.

However, I have always worried about money.  Always.

My one wish has always been to not worry about it.  I'd like to not have to think about every penny.  I don't need to be rich or live in a mansion or drive a BMW, but I'd like to just go through life not worrying about everything I spend.  I've spent my entire teenage and adult life working towards that goal.

Yet, I do worry.  All. The. Time.

And then in the strangest of moments, your brain comes to realizations.  It happened last night as I was driving home from swim lessons.  It's important to note that I was driving home from swim lessons because they aren't cheap.

I sat at a light and watched a young woman walk the median holding a sign.

"Please help.  I have 2 children and can't pay the rent or buy food."

This is not a new sight.  I see people holding signs, asking for money at least 5 times a day.

I watched her pace and hold her head down.  I watched her look up shyly and accept money, whispering "Thank You" and "God Bless You."  And I remembered that I was her, and now I'm not.

It wasn't that long ago that my husband lost his job and I was pregnant with a second baby and we didn't have a year's worth of savings and we collected unemployment and bought groceries with credit cards and fell behind on mortgages.

The light changed and I held out my $10 and told her to take care and drove away.

There was a time that I worried about how I would pay for groceries when my credit card was maxed out.  And there was a time that I worried we'd lose our house and where would we go.  And during that time I had 2 kids that needed me to figure it out.

I don't worry about that anymore.  There's not a day that goes by that I wonder how I'm going to feed my kids.  Ever.  Sure, I think about how we only have 9 years until Ainsley goes to college and how on earth are we going to save for it by then.  And I worry about coming up with a down payment to buy a house when all of our savings seems to go to one of the rental properties we own.  And I worry about how I will pay for a vacation and a 3rd birthday party and a 40th birthday party and camps all in the course of one summer.  But I never worry that my kids will have a warm, dry place to sleep.  I worry about luxuries.

And all of a sudden a light bulb exploded in my head.  All of my wishing and working and hoping towards a worry free financial life?  Really, I have that.  I don't have to raid my coin purse to afford diapers.  I don't have to wait until pay day to buy milk.

Let's be honest, I'm still going to worry.  Apparently, that's what I do.  I'm not sure where all the brain activity would go without worry.  But I'm going to worry less.  And I'm going to remember that all of those things I worry about are not necessary.  And I'm going to hope that the young mom in the median with the sign gets to the same place one day.

52 Week Challenge

Last year, right around this time, I was preparing to have my third baby.  Though we were excited and overjoyed...we were a bit worried.  About, what else, money.  I put together budget after budget and no matter what, we were not going to be able to afford that additional daycare.

There was talk of me not going back to work.  Maybe finding something part time or watching kids or something.  No matter what though, we were going to struggle.

It's one reason I kept all three kids home with me last summer, that and I wanted to experience full on what it was like to be a stay at home mom.  But the money thing was definitely the reason we didn't do camps or send Freddie once a week.  I figured if I could save all that money, at least that would give us a cushion to pay daycare with or live on if I quit my job.

Luckily, the universe was watching out for us.  I was offered a promotion while on maternity leave and it came with a nice raise...exactly enough to cover Cohen's daycare.

But, last year on June 3rd, I was starting my last week of work and I came across something on the Internet about a 52 week challenge.  A painless way to save a little money.  Not a ton of money, but at the end of it, you'd have over $1300 to deposit into your savings account.  So I figured I'd try it.

Basically it works like this, on week 1, you save $1 in a jar.  Week 2, it's $2.  Week 30, $30.  Anyway, you get the picture.  Every week, you set aside money.

Well, last week was week 52...

BOOM!  I now have $1378 to deposit into our savings account.  And believe me, my savings account needs it.  It's been on a diet lately.

However, this money is earmarked for our Disney trip that we are hoping to take in November.  So today, I start again, with $1 in a jar.  I was going to do 2, but think maybe I'll start one at Christmas time as well, and next year...we'll have our Santa money.

Saving money is hard.  I'm not going to lie...I definitely borrowed from the jar on occasion.  But I ALWAYS paid it back.  And there were weeks that I didn't have an extra $30 or $40 in the budget.  So sometimes I was playing catch up...but it all worked out in the end and now we have half the money we need for Disney.

So go, find your jar and grab you dollar and start.  You will feel so awesome on June 1, 2015!

Even Steven

Any Seinfeld fans out there?

Yes?

Well, do you remember the Even Steven episode?  The episode is actually titled "The Opposite," but I had to look that up.  I call it the Even Steven episode, because the Even Steven reference hits a cord with me.

Jerry's gig is cancelled and 5 minutes later he gets a new gig for exactly the same pay.  Kramer calls him Even Steven and Jerry realizes that he is indeed Even Steven.  He never comes out on top or on bottom, just always even - right down the middle.

I am Even Steven.

In life, I never stick out.  I'm not a bad egg or a brilliant star.  I just am.  I'm not a person that someone instantly hates or loves.  I'm not lazy, but I'm not an overachiever.  I tend not to get extremely excited about good things, but I also don't overreact to the bad (my husband may disagree on this one).  I stick to that middle line.  Not really by choice, but it's just who I am.

Financially, this is even more clear.  The last few years have been...rough, in the finance department.  It's been rough for a lot of people.  Companies aren't showering employees with benefits or raises anymore.  Our whole society has a different perspective.  I think most people are just happy to have a job...any job.

But, I've always kind of struggled with money.  My parents were not wealthy, so I paid for my own college and my own wedding and my own cars and my own houses.  My mom has always tried to help when she can, but she's in no position to be handing out college educations or home down payments.

But I am Even Steven.  I am always leveled out...
-We have a rental property.  On more than one occasion, tenants have left in the middle of the night (Yes, people actually do that!).  This always seems to happen right when we get an increase in income.  And we always seem to find a tenant right before a new bill comes into play.  Often times, of almost exactly the same amount.
-I plan, and work to get debt payed off.  The moment I get a bill payed off, it's replaced by another.
-When Clif lost his job we stocked away his last few paychecks.  Cut back on everything and took all that money and put it in savings.  Seventeen months later, we pulled our last few hundred dollars from savings to pay for something.  Clif was hired the following month.

I could go on.

So, I always have this "Even Steven" thing in the back of my head when I'm worried about how we'll make it.  Sometimes it is a relief and sometimes?  Well, sometimes it pisses me off.  Because I know that whatever issue we're facing, will somehow work itself out...but I wonder, if I'm Even Steven, can I ever come out on top?