Belly Laughs

Yesterday, I was taking my normal lunchtime stroll.  As I entered a small park, it began to rain a bit.  I was wearing a long maxi dress with a black cardigan.  I bought the dress last summer.  I saw it and loved it and it was on sale.  It was the end of the summer.  I got it home and it didn't fit great, so I wore it with spanx and only when I was feeling a bit more slender.  I haven't worn it since September, but yesterday I pulled it out to try it.

It fit great.  I was excited.  When you're trying to loose weight and the scale is not moving as fast as you'd like, it's always nice to feel good in something.  And I felt really good as I left the house yesterday.

But back to the park.  It was starting to rain, so instead of continuing my walk, I turned and headed back towards my office.  An old man sat on a bench and as I approached he spoke to me.  I didn't quite hear him, and for some reason I made eye contact.  So he repeated himself as I walked past.

"Is that a boy or a girl in there?" He asked.  I didn't respond.  I felt the shame swell up inside of me and just quickened my pace.  Did I really look pregnant?  I spent the next three blocks trying to catch a glimpse of my profile in glass buildings and doors.  Sucking in my stomach as much as I could.

Then as I stood on the corner waiting for the crosswalk sign, I saw a man stumble across the street.  He was almost naked, except for the ripped up daisy duke shorts he was wearing.  No shoes, no shirt.  His white/blond hair was in dreads.  I think he may have been intoxicated.  And he had a huge protruding belly.  My initial thought was "Maybe the dude on the bench should ask him what he's having." And then I just started laughing.  By myself, on the street corner, laughing.  Because how ridiculous would it be to ask a man if he were pregnant?  And how ridiculous am I for obsessing over something some dude said to me in passing?  And how ridiculous was that man for asking a complete stranger such a personal question?

Six months ago, a year ago, most of my lifetime, a comment like that would have sent me into a spiral.  I probably would have stopped at the vending machine on the way back to my office and then devoured a couple bags of peanut M n M's and maybe also a Coke for good measure.  If everyone was going to think I was pregnant, I might as well just be fat.

Instead, I filled my water bottle, went to my desk and ate my strawberries that were waiting for me.  And I texted my husband and told him the funny story, because let's face it...this is my body, pseudo pregnant belly and all.

The fact is, I've never had a nice abdomen.  It's always been my trouble spot.  It's the first place I put on weight, and the last place it comes off.  Even before kids.  Throw in three pregnancies and three c-sections...six pack abs are probably not in the cards for me.  I know there are women out there who don't have this issue. They have stomachs that snap right back into place.  I'm not one of those women.  And I think I'm finally okay with that.

I will keep exercising, keep doing my crunches, keep eating right...but I'm probably always going to have this belly.  And instead of hating it and wishing it away and crunching it into submission, maybe I should appreciate what it's done for me.  It's made three humans.  My stomach has cradled and loved and warmed three little eggs until they were big enough and strong enough to make it in the world.  That's not nothing.  Maybe I should give my poor belly a break and not curse it every time I pass a mirror.

So next time I'm walking through that park, if that man is sitting on that bench, I will go up to him and say "It's actually a girl and two boys.  Don't I look amazing?!?!?!"

Three Months

So I'm not going to write about my kids today.  Today's post is about me.  So you can stop reading now if you came here for cute pictures.  No pics today.

Three months ago was Christmas.  And a few weeks before Christmas I decided that I just was not happy with my overall health.  I wasn't sick.  I just felt down about the way I looked and the way I felt.  I wrote in one post that I was the heaviest I had ever been, not pregnant.

I had tried and failed on multiple occasions since Cohen was born to get myself exercising and eating right.  It was just so hard to get myself off on the right foot.  Though I felt like my eating was better than average, I just couldn't overcome the bad things I ate because I couldn't find the time to exercise.

So I was trying through the holidays to make better decisions with food and to walk more.  Then for Christmas, Clif gave me a Jawbone UP24 band.  It's a fitness tracker, like a Fitbit.  On December 26th I activated mine and it has given me just the kick in the ass I needed.

Since Christmas the following has happened...

- My clothes aren't tight anymore
- Yesterday I fit into a pair of jeans that I bought when I was training for my half marathon, when I was at my lightest since...I don't know since
- I've lost 14 pounds
- I exercise at least 4 times a week
- I'm eating healthier than I ever have
- I've only had 3 diet sodas
- I rarely eat out
- For the first time in a long time, I am seeing changes in my body and it's not due to another human being growing inside my abdomen

How did I do it?  How has it stuck for three months this time?  How have I not given in like I always do?  Well...I'm not really sure.  I know this.  I know that I was tired of feeling so sluggish and blah with myself.  I know that I am a huge data geek and I love any kind of real data.  Real numbers spit out right in front of me.  I know that I had to change the way I think about lots of things.

But I can't point to one thing that has made it stick this time.  The fitness tracker has been awesome.  Knowing that I'm going to put everything I put in my mouth into an app and it's going to call me out for eating crap has been a huge motivating factor.  Watching my step number go up every time I take a flight of stairs or walk around my office floor has also helped.  I love that it's this real time analysis of my calories in and out and at any time I can look at it and see if I can eat that piece of birthday cake.

It also made me realize how sedentary my life is.  I mean, I kind of knew.  I sit at a desk all day.  But guess what?  The days that I don't go to work, I am even more of a slug.  For instance, right now, I'm working from home.  I haven't taken nearly the number of steps I take while I'm in my office.  Normally, by noon I've hit 4-5000 steps.  Right now, I'm under 2000.  Guess what that tells me?  I need to fit the gym in today.

Speaking of the gym...oof.  It is not easy.  I had to come to the realization that I'm never going to consistently make it out to exercise after Clif gets home from work.  So, I'm doing it in the morning.  Now, I am a morning person and I love to get it done in the morning.  However, I have to be at work at 7.  I have 45-60 minutes of commute time.  It takes me about 45 minutes to get ready.  That means, usually, I get up around 5:20 to make it to work on time.  Not anymore.  Now, I'm getting up at 4:45 and I can really only get in about 25-35 minutes of exercise before I have to shower and get ready at the gym and leave by 6:20 at the absolute latest.  And I had to cut a bunch of getting ready time.  Hair...spritzed with leave in conditioner and left to air dry.  Makeup...bronzer and mascara.  Boom...done.  I also had to pack up the night before.  So my clothes were picked out and there is no searching through closets or laundry baskets at 6am before I rush out the door.

Also the night before...I pack my lunch.  And it's not just my lunch, it's the food I'll eat all day with the exception of dinner.  I barely buy meat.  And I've really started cutting back on the dairy as well.  Now I spend most of my grocery money on fruits, vegetables, and nuts that I can snack on all day.  I can't remember the last time I bought lunch out while I was at work.

Something that definitely shifted, other than my movement and my eating...the way I think about things.  In the past, I would start this healthy journey and then a day or two in, I'd have a cookie or a piece of candy and then I'd just blow it.  I'd think, "Well, I already screwed up my day...why stop now?"  Sure I'll eat that burger, and fries, and drink that Coke, and why not have some ice cream.

Now, I have a new mantra.  Actually, I have a few...
Everything is temporary.
This too shall pass.
One stumble does not make me a failure.
Next week, tomorrow, or this afternoon is a brand new time to make the best decisions I can.

I've had my bad days.  I've had days where I can't stand to say these things to myself.  But overall, this switch is happening in my brain and I'm believing it.

I still have a long way to go to get to where I believe is my healthiest self.  I still love sugar.  Still have a hard time passing up chocolate and cookies.  I still love to veg out in front of the TV.  Still love to be lazy.  Still love to waste time on Facebook and email.  But now, I have this little wristband that buzzes me if I'm on my arse too long.  And I absolutely make sure I'm entering everything I eat.  So technology is holding me accountable, and for now, it's working.

Apparently Kids Like Going to the Pool

I am not really a pool person.  Actually, I am not really a water person.  I do like going to the beach, but I like it more for the relaxation.  Sitting on the beach (fully sunblocked or umbrella'd), listening to the waves crash, reading a book or falling asleep.  That is awesome, although doesn't really happen now that I have kids at the beach with me.  And if someone who is really good at swimming, and possibly saving my life, is willing to go in the water with me, then I can enjoy that too.

But overall, I don't swim.  I wouldn't say that I'm afraid of the water.  I know that if I venture out in still water, I can most likely get back to whichever surface I came from.  Be it a boat, dock or pool side.

However, I am not confident in my ability to take care of small children in a water environment.  But really, that is not the point of my post.

The point is, that kids love the pool.  Since kids love the pool, we have joined a pool this summer.  This basically melds together three things I don't like - 1) Water with small children, 2) Sun exposure (I'm kind of a freak about sunblock.  Have you seen my children?  They're like ghosts.  They burn, I burn.), and 3) Wearing a bathing suit.

This late in the game...probably not learning to rescue small children from water.  So most likely, we will only be going to the pool with Clif.


The ghostly-ness of me and my children?  That I can do absolutely zero about.  I will be buying lots of sunblock.

However, I've decided to try and do something about the horridness of my body in a bathing suit.  So at least when I am sitting under some sort of shade structure watching my husband take care of my kids in the water, I can feel somewhat comfortable in the most un-revealing bathing suit I can find.



Do you think I could pull off this look?


So I present...What I'm doing to get bathing suit ready and healthy too!

1 - Walking.  My cousin, Elizabeth, has started a walking competition between a bunch of us.  I have a large family and we live all over the East coast, but we all bought pedometers and we're all trying to walk at least 10,000 steps a day.  Well, I was not on the ball and did not buy mine until Saturday.  So I started yesterday (a week behind everyone else)...but I walked 17,500 steps!!!  What?!?!  I couldn't believe it.

2 - Stairs.  I work on the 7th floor of a building.  I've always taken the elevator.  But I've decided, no more elevator.  Now I'm walking up and down stairs all day.  Up is way harder than down, but I've already noticed it getting a bit easier in just a week.

3 - Water.  I used to be so great at drinking water.  But I have floundered since taking this job.  Ice is the reason.  I love really cold water.  I mean, it needs to be almost icy for me to drink it all.  There is only one ice machine in the whole building.  Second floor.  Note above...I work on the 7th floor.  So I've been lazy.  But now with my whole attitude towards stairs and walking as much as possible...I drank 9 glasses of water yesterday!

4 - Food.  This is always my biggest weakness.  I. Love. Food!  I love so many different kinds of food.  The greasier, cheesier, breadier the better!  All bad things.  So I'm trying.  I refuse to "diet."  Really I'm just trying to make some healthier decisions.  I'm trying to eat less sugar (because apparently when I got pregnant with Freddie I also got a major sweet tooth).  I'm trying to eat at least 5 fruits and veggies a day.  And most important of all, portion control.  This is really the hardest part for me.  I have a huge...no HUGE appetite.  I can eat most people under the table.  Not really something I'm proud of, but unfortunately true.

5 - Play.  Since it's been nice, I've been trying to take the kids to the playground as much as possible.  It is at the top of my in-law's hill, half a mile away.  I put them in the wagon with their snacks and sippy cups and pull the 50+ pounds up the hill.  Then we play for 30-40 minutes.  And I'm trying to really play with them, not just watch.  I taught Ainsley tag, follow the leader and dodge ball.  So this is how I plan to get my exercise...since I no longer can find the time for 6 mile runs or hours on a treadmill.

So there you have it.  Are you doing anything to get your body ready for summer?