I walk the narrow strip between the crib and the rocker. Freddie is perched on my shoulder trying to catch his breath from the latest outburst. Every few moments he pushes against me, cries out in anger and repositions himself in my arms before collapsing in exhaustion.
I walk back and forth, back and forth singing and humming his favorite song...Baby Beluga. My back is screaming and my arms are sore, but Freddie doesn't like to rock if we're not nursing. And we are. Not. Nursing. Period.
I am at war with myself right now. This has been going on for over an hour.
The comforting female in me cries "He's so young and this is obviously wrong because he's fighting it so much!"
The logical woman in me screams "It's not like I'm weaning, he just needs to find another way to go to sleep. No more night nursing."
The selfish girl in me whines "Oh my, this is just like Ainsley. Hours and hours of torture to get a kid to sleep. This can't be happening again."
The tired mommy in me yawns "I just want to go to bed. Can he just sleep with me tonight and we'll try again tomorrow?"
Freddie has been silent for a few moments. I wonder if he's asleep but can't see his face. I make my way to the rocking chair and sit down slowly.
He fusses in protest but only for a moment.
I rock and sing. I rock and hum. I rock and stroke his hair. I rock and kiss his cheek. I rock and whisper "I love you, mommy's here." We rock and rock and rock. His eyes are closing but I can tell he's still alert. His body is still at attention.
His face screws up and he releases a husky moan. He is 24 pounds of rage and fury. Fists push against my chest. Toes scrape at my thighs. He cries and yells "Baba! Baba!" He wants to nurse and I want to give in.
I close my eyes and count to ten. At the end of this breather, I'm giving in. I don't care what anyone says. This is just too hard. It's so much easier to just nurse him.
When I open them, he is changed.
His face has become soft and his lips are slightly parted. His rigid body has succumbed and gone limp against me. His eyelashes flutter ever so slightly, tickling my collarbone. His feet and hands dangle and twitch now and then. His breathing is deep and smooth. No more hiccups, no more gasping, no more screaming for Muma. He is my perfect boy and all at once relief and sadness wash over me.
I didn't give in, tomorrow night should be easier, but my baby is growing up so fast.
I hold him for longer than I should. I smell his sweetness and watch the corners of his mouth twitch before placing him in his crib.
I walk out of the room thinking about how easy it would be to keep doing all the things that keep him small and young and dependent on me. Things that would keep him at my side always and keep my heart from breaking. Things that would keep these little moments at bay and unnoticed forever. But then, I wouldn't be his mother.
Showing posts with label baby beluga. Show all posts
Showing posts with label baby beluga. Show all posts
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Run of the Mill Update
This week has been sort of crazy...aren't they all though?
But in particular, I've decided that I need more stability in my life, so I've been pushing myself to get things organized at my in-law's house. I have not made it very far. Also, I'm doing a bit of contract work for my old company. So that hasn't left much time for blogging. I love my blog, but money's always going to win out. So if anyone wants to pay me to write my blog every day...speak up...PLEASE!!!!
See, although we moved here 2 months ago, I don't really feel like we've moved. You know? We've been in Richmond every single weekend of those 2 months getting the house ready, packing, moving stuff, etc. Now, that we're past that stage, I feel the need to become a bit more settled.
The basement, which is basically where my little family has it's living space, is a wreck. I mean we have the main area set up nicely, but the kids toys are everywhere - awe, just like home :)
The storage area of the basement is nightmarish! As we unloaded our cars each week, the stuff that needed storage just kind of got tossed in a pile. So now that needs to be a bit more organized and neat. Especially if Ainsley every wants to use her trampoline again.
So that is my goal. To have all that cleaned up by Freddie's birthday party...next weekend. Ahhhhh! Lots to do, and very little time to do it.
Speaking of birthday party...can you believe it? I can't! I can't believe that my little monster will be 1 next Friday!!!! Where has the time gone? So in honor of the approaching birthday, here is a little update on all that Freddie's doing these days...the good, bad and ugly.
The Good
I always heard that second children don't talk as early as the first. So, I gotta say, that I'm a bit blown away at all that Freddie "says." Here's a list of his most common words:
-Baaw - Ball. The kid loves a ball. The only thing that excites him more than a ball is the song "Baby Beluga."
-Baa Baa Baa - Baby Beluga. My MIL has this song on a CD and Freddie asks for it. Ainsley learned this song right around her first birthday. Freddie will say Baaa, Baaa, Baaa while he rocks back and forth and tilts his head to the left - BUT only the left. He doesn't go right. If you don't believe me, watch this...
-Nigh Nigh - I believe this is Night Night. But I think he also uses it for Nanny. He always says it when we're saying good night to everyone. He also says it when I have gone past bedtime. But I also randomly hear him say it when Denise is around. So maybe it has a duel meaning.
-Ahhh Daaa - All done. I'm trying to teach him signs, so he says this with great enthusiasm while vigorously shaking his hands in the air.
-AHhh DoTT - He says this a lot, I'm thinking it's "What's that?"
-Uhhh Ahhh - Uh Oh...everyone's favorite
Then of course we have the Muma and Daada which are always wonderful to hear.
Freddie can also wave bye-bye, clap, do the sign for "all done", I think he may be trying to do the sign for "more" but it looks like clapping, dance, play patty-cake, feed himself, drink from a sippy cup and stomp around the house. He is not graceful (see the ugly section).
The Bad
-He LOVES the toilet paper roll. Don't turn your back on him in the bathroom because in less than 5 seconds he can empty the roll of toilet paper by spinning it with is fat little hands.
-He bites. I have the bruises to prove it.
-He hates any activity where you are forcing him to be still: diaper changes, getting dressed, getting undressed, strapping him into his car seat/stroller/highchair, wiping his nose.
-He doesn't really like the dogs to be near him - probably because they either knock him down or lick his face until he can't breath. BUT, he loves the dog bowls. Sometimes I'll look over and see him concentrating very hard with his mouth closed. That's the sign for "I just put a piece of dog food in my mouth and it's really hard and I'm not sure what to do with it, but interesting flavor." Also, I have to hide the water bowls or he'll soak himself.
The Ugly
HE IS NOT GRACEFUL!!!
He did this while walking. Really. He falls, randomly. I know that he just started walking, but I don't feel like Ainsley was this klutzy and she was pretty brave at this age. She wasn't really apprehensive about walking. But then again, maybe I was just more on top of her all the time. Who knows the reason. But he literally was walking towards Ainsley's doll house when he fell face first into it, broke one of the windows and was stabbed in the head with the jagged end of the wood. I saw the broken window first and I gotta say that I was sure we'd be making a trip to the ER. But he's good. I think it looks worse than it is.
But in particular, I've decided that I need more stability in my life, so I've been pushing myself to get things organized at my in-law's house. I have not made it very far. Also, I'm doing a bit of contract work for my old company. So that hasn't left much time for blogging. I love my blog, but money's always going to win out. So if anyone wants to pay me to write my blog every day...speak up...PLEASE!!!!
See, although we moved here 2 months ago, I don't really feel like we've moved. You know? We've been in Richmond every single weekend of those 2 months getting the house ready, packing, moving stuff, etc. Now, that we're past that stage, I feel the need to become a bit more settled.
The basement, which is basically where my little family has it's living space, is a wreck. I mean we have the main area set up nicely, but the kids toys are everywhere - awe, just like home :)
The storage area of the basement is nightmarish! As we unloaded our cars each week, the stuff that needed storage just kind of got tossed in a pile. So now that needs to be a bit more organized and neat. Especially if Ainsley every wants to use her trampoline again.
So that is my goal. To have all that cleaned up by Freddie's birthday party...next weekend. Ahhhhh! Lots to do, and very little time to do it.
Speaking of birthday party...can you believe it? I can't! I can't believe that my little monster will be 1 next Friday!!!! Where has the time gone? So in honor of the approaching birthday, here is a little update on all that Freddie's doing these days...the good, bad and ugly.
The Good
I always heard that second children don't talk as early as the first. So, I gotta say, that I'm a bit blown away at all that Freddie "says." Here's a list of his most common words:
-Baaw - Ball. The kid loves a ball. The only thing that excites him more than a ball is the song "Baby Beluga."
-Baa Baa Baa - Baby Beluga. My MIL has this song on a CD and Freddie asks for it. Ainsley learned this song right around her first birthday. Freddie will say Baaa, Baaa, Baaa while he rocks back and forth and tilts his head to the left - BUT only the left. He doesn't go right. If you don't believe me, watch this...
-Nigh Nigh - I believe this is Night Night. But I think he also uses it for Nanny. He always says it when we're saying good night to everyone. He also says it when I have gone past bedtime. But I also randomly hear him say it when Denise is around. So maybe it has a duel meaning.
-Ahhh Daaa - All done. I'm trying to teach him signs, so he says this with great enthusiasm while vigorously shaking his hands in the air.
-AHhh DoTT - He says this a lot, I'm thinking it's "What's that?"
Then of course we have the Muma and Daada which are always wonderful to hear.
Freddie can also wave bye-bye, clap, do the sign for "all done", I think he may be trying to do the sign for "more" but it looks like clapping, dance, play patty-cake, feed himself, drink from a sippy cup and stomp around the house. He is not graceful (see the ugly section).
The Bad
-He LOVES the toilet paper roll. Don't turn your back on him in the bathroom because in less than 5 seconds he can empty the roll of toilet paper by spinning it with is fat little hands.
-He bites. I have the bruises to prove it.
-He hates any activity where you are forcing him to be still: diaper changes, getting dressed, getting undressed, strapping him into his car seat/stroller/highchair, wiping his nose.
-He doesn't really like the dogs to be near him - probably because they either knock him down or lick his face until he can't breath. BUT, he loves the dog bowls. Sometimes I'll look over and see him concentrating very hard with his mouth closed. That's the sign for "I just put a piece of dog food in my mouth and it's really hard and I'm not sure what to do with it, but interesting flavor." Also, I have to hide the water bowls or he'll soak himself.
The Ugly
HE IS NOT GRACEFUL!!!
He did this while walking. Really. He falls, randomly. I know that he just started walking, but I don't feel like Ainsley was this klutzy and she was pretty brave at this age. She wasn't really apprehensive about walking. But then again, maybe I was just more on top of her all the time. Who knows the reason. But he literally was walking towards Ainsley's doll house when he fell face first into it, broke one of the windows and was stabbed in the head with the jagged end of the wood. I saw the broken window first and I gotta say that I was sure we'd be making a trip to the ER. But he's good. I think it looks worse than it is.
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