The First Goodbye

It is 6.1 miles to my office. It takes me 12-14 minutes to get there, depending on the lights. I know that route so well, I drive it like I breathe air. And even though I've had plenty of complaints about the way the place is run and the work in general, there are things I'll miss when I'm not going there everyday.

Mostly I will miss the friends that I've found there. The people that make that place run. For the most part, it's a great group of people and it will be hard not to spend my days with them.

Tonight, as I left work, I said my first goodbye, and it was just as hard as I've been imagining it would be. The two people I said goodbye to will be gone for the next week and won't be around when I have my last day...they are definitely two that I'll miss most. My cube-mate and I have worked together for almost 6 years. We're default buddies when it comes to bitching about clients, laughing about kids or gossiping about upper management.

Even though we don't do a lot of socializing outside of work, we've seen each other through wedding plans, babies, family issues and bad health care plans (6 bad health care plans, in my 5.5 years there, to be exact - won't miss that!).

I also said goodbye to her husband...they just got married this fall and they have a beautiful little 4 year old girl who Ainsley loves to play with.

I started crying the moment I pushed through the glass doors and into the cold night air. I hate crying. Especially in front of people. It makes me feel so weak and small. Weird, because in high school and college I went through some ultra dramatic phases where I'd cry over anything and in front of anyone. I'm not like that now. Now, I hide away when I need to cry and I wear sunglasses to hide red eyes and I pretend like my allergies are bothering me. I do all this, so no one can see my weakness.

So as I drove home, I started thinking about all the goodbyes I'd have coming up, and I just kept crying. And then, even though I'm past those ULTRA dramatic phases, I'm still all dramatic and sappy...I started thinking about all the "last times" I'd be doing something over the next week. The last time I would drive to work, the last time I would pick up the kids from daycare, the last trip to our grocery store, etc, etc, etc.

There are going to be a lot of tears...and my sunglasses are broken.