tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620272022310738991.post2573263350470755761..comments2014-06-15T00:43:04.829-04:00Comments on The Story of Us: Banana Splitslivingsj77http://www.blogger.com/profile/00482438876414085408noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620272022310738991.post-3109755227971136542011-03-28T12:35:53.483-04:002011-03-28T12:35:53.483-04:00Katie wrote my comments for me, all of them. She&#...Katie wrote my comments for me, all of them. She's sneaky like that!<br /><br />Thank you for the memory, too. My Gramma used to take me to an ice cream shop with a giant cone over the entrance, black raspberry ice cream "dripping" down the sides. I swear the giant cone outside made the ice cream taste better.<br /><br />Yum!CDG @ Move Over Mary Poppins!http://moveovermarypoppins.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620272022310738991.post-52646637620656840982011-03-27T11:25:29.009-04:002011-03-27T11:25:29.009-04:00That's as sweet as the ice cream. And yes, the...That's as sweet as the ice cream. And yes, the relief of not having to finish...the astonishment of "breaking the rules" is captured nicely. <br /><br />Ditto on the thoughtful concrit above.Nancy Chttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04313721217543578257noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620272022310738991.post-56781854603457579172011-03-27T09:42:28.268-04:002011-03-27T09:42:28.268-04:00This is a very cute story. I love the part where y...This is a very cute story. I love the part where you say '...she loves my day best. I can feel it.' Those lines sum up a very attentive and genuine Grandmother. <br /><br />In addition to what Katie said earlier, I would tell you to be mindful of things like repeating words. Where you say her wide grin spreads...soft cheeks, then say excitement rises in your cheeks... the repetition doesn't have a place in this story. Try changing the words. (Probably in the second 'cheeks')<br />Also, try to run a spell/grammar check, just to make sure that you catch the lower case 'i' and spacing. It detracts from the story (any story, not just yours.)<br /><br />Other than that, you have a nice voice! With a little adjusting, I think you could/would be great!Brandon Duncanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06609719408183527672noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620272022310738991.post-61225532076428095552011-03-25T13:11:12.621-04:002011-03-25T13:11:12.621-04:00I remember going for ice cream every week with my ...I remember going for ice cream every week with my grandpa. It was always a special time and I know he liked our time just a little more than time with my cousins. <br /><br />One thing that stood out to me just a little was the repeated use of the word "cheeks." Grandma's grins spreads across her cheeks, and then excitement rises in your cheeks. I'd try to avoid repeating descriptive words unless there is a very specific reason for it.<br /><br />This story is a lot of fun. Thank you for sharing it!Karen M. Petersonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06972093977468313631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620272022310738991.post-4474939632271266322011-03-25T11:12:06.532-04:002011-03-25T11:12:06.532-04:00Ok I just wrote a HUGE comment and damn blogger at...Ok I just wrote a HUGE comment and damn blogger ate it.<br /><br />The gist of what I said was how much I loved this personal quality of this, yet it's so universal too. So many can relate to spending quality alone time with an adult they love and admire.<br /><br />The advice I have is really sort of a compliment as well. You do such a lovely job painting this relationship and the joy you feel with your grandma in a scene, that the paragraph starting "I love my grandma" seems out of place.<br /><br />That paragraph basically sums up what you are trying to show--almost as if you don't trust the reader to get that from your writing--or you don't trust that you did a good enough job showing...which you totally did.<br /><br />I would take that paragraph out and possibly add something to the scene of you telling your grandma a story or her commenting on it (like you describe in that paragraph). The rest is there, babe. We can see it in the scene.<br /><br />My only other thing is about your use of italics.<br /><br />You use them for both thoughts and spoken lines--which can be a bit confusing. I would use good old quotation marks for spoken things and use italics for the thoughts...just to distinguish.<br /><br />Really awesome.Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03272418011408299181noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620272022310738991.post-2954410125543767382011-03-25T10:40:35.979-04:002011-03-25T10:40:35.979-04:00Excellent post! Every story makes me feel like I a...Excellent post! Every story makes me feel like I am there. <br /><br />These stories about Grandma make me so happy. I wish I remembered more about her. :) <br /><br />Love you!Carolynhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01432358395375974819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620272022310738991.post-79597568611058077572011-03-25T09:37:32.607-04:002011-03-25T09:37:32.607-04:00This brought me back to two childhood memories. O...This brought me back to two childhood memories. One was a banana split. That's all I remember. I have no idea who bought it for me.<br /><br />The other was a "desert date" to Serendipity's in NY when I was about 6, with my mother and a friend of hers. I ordered something which I didn't like... and they let me just send it back and order something else. I was in shock. Blissful, sugar coated shock.<br /><br />I like your Grandma ;)Mirihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15781390286000448445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620272022310738991.post-57237978443655406982011-03-25T09:01:29.770-04:002011-03-25T09:01:29.770-04:00What a "sweet" story about a special tra...What a "sweet" story about a special tradition. Loved it!Lisahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14287714494263781046noreply@blogger.com